What to do when your partner wants a divorce: 5 essential tips

It can be heartbreaking when your partner tells you they want to end a long-term relationship. Divorce and separation are loaded words, and in many cases hearing the dreaded “I want a divorce” from a partner is devastating and marks the beginning of a life-changing experience for both people involved.

No matter how your partner shares the news, you may be overwhelmed and not know what to do next. We’re here to help.

5 essential tips for coping with the news

1. Consider seeking support by talking to a friend, family member or therapist

Hearing this news can feel like a betrayal, so you may find that you struggle to communicate with your partner, or feel too angry to have a constructive conversation at first. This is totally normal.

You can avoid feeling isolated by confiding in a close friend or loved-one, who will validate your experience and gently remind you that you are cared for by your support network. Speaking to someone you trust can also give you different perspectives, even if they don’t have all the answers.

2. You must look after yourself

Now might also be a good time to think about healthy coping mechanisms to reduce stress and help prepare you for how things will change.

Focus on the basics, and don’t pressure yourself to do too much. If you can, try to maintain familiar routines that will give you some sense of normality.

Divorce can impact your mental health, and it’s easy to underestimate how much eating regular meals, getting rest whenever possible and going for a short walk can help support your body and mind.

If you are a parent, taking care of your needs will help you be in a better headspace to look after your family and give you the energy to think about practicalities.

3. Validate your emotions and process them in your own time

It can help to learn about the emotional journey of separation when your relationship ends.

It’s completely normal to feel a mix of conflicting emotions at first. You’re likely to experience turbulent emotions, which may include relief, numbness and guilt.

You may question whether the relationship is over, but over time you’ll move towards acceptance.

You may start sharing the news with family and friends or researching the divorce process – these are both signs that you’re focusing on the future and have reached the ‘exploration’ part of the emotional journey.

Even at this stage, you’ll likely still have lots of worries about the future. If you have children, you may feel anxious about how family life could change, not know how to cope with divorce, or think about how best to support your children through this transition.

Be patient with yourself – there’s no time limit to healing – but reach out to a professional for therapy or counselling if you’re struggling to process your emotions after three to six months. Our partners at BetterHelp will match you with a suitable therapist for convenient, affordable sessions.

Often, your ex-partner may be further along in their emotional journey.

Ask for time to absorb the news before engaging in further discussions with your ex-partner, who has likely had more time to consider their options and may already feel ready to discuss practicalities.

If you don’t feel ready to have further discussions or take the next steps to start the legal process, you should voice this firmly and kindly. Meanwhile, reassuring your partner that you want to work as a team to decide on a fair outcome when you feel ready can also be helpful.

Book a free 15-minute consultation today to find out how we can support you, and decide whether our service is right for you and your family. Our team provides expert legal guidance for separating and divorcing couples who want to choose a simpler, kinder way to move forward.

4. Plan for difficult conversations

A divorce or financial separation involves several practical and legal steps. You might not feel ready to have these important conversations right now, and it could be a good idea to avoid making decisions when you or your ex-partner feel emotional.

Even when you’re ready, talking about money with your ex-partner – or future arrangements for children or pets – can often be triggering, particularly if one person is more financially reliant on the other. Feelings of uncertainty about your financial future can place you under an enormous amount of mental strain and is a common cause of conflict.

Here are some ways to organise what might be on your mind, so you can share your thoughts with clarity:

• Jot down your thoughts
• Summarise a list of what’s most important to you
• Keep a daily record of your feelings (you could even use a mood-tracking app or diary)
• Create a spreadsheet
• Block out your calendar for dedicated reflection time

Simple activities like this can all help you form opinions and set divorce goals about how you might want to approach your financial split, co-parenting arrangements or existing debt.

5. Start exploring your options for legal support when you’re ready

The legal aspects of divorce and separation are likely to be completely unfamiliar to you. Although being aware of your emotional state and looking after yourself is crucial, when you feel ready, you can start informing yourself about the process and the options available to you when it comes to legal support. If you can have an open conversation with your ex-partner, then you may be able to together work as a team towards an amicable, no-fault divorce.

At amicable, we can help with any aspect of your divorce or separation, whether you simply want support with the online application process, or need our full financial negotiation service. Our unique couples’ approach is designed to save you money, time and stress by avoiding escalating solicitors fees and unnecessary conflict.

Book a free 15-minute consultation today to find out how we can support you, and decide whether our service is right for you and your family. Our team provides expert legal guidance for separating and divorcing couples who want to choose a simpler, kinder way to move forward.