How to deal with divorce as a man: Challenges and top tips

Divorce is one of life’s biggest upheavals. As a man, you may feel like your world has been turned upside down, leaving you to deal with emotional turmoil, financial instability and a loss of identity all at the same time.

Society often expects men to ‘man up’ and suppress their emotions, yet this can make your feelings of isolation worse.

In this blog, marital therapist and men’s retreat leader Andrew G Marshall explores the unique challenges of divorce for men, and shares tips and tools to help you process your divorce and move on.

4 unique challenges of divorce for men

1. Loss of identity and purpose

Marriage often becomes intertwined with your sense of self. When it ends, you may feel like you've lost not just a partner, but also your role as a husband, father or provider. This can lead to an existential crisis where you question your worth and purpose in life.

Read our blog for more information on how to handle divorce as a Dad.

2. Emotional isolation

Men are less likely than women to seek emotional support during difficult times. Divorce can negatively impact not only your relationship with your spouse but also your connections with mutual friends and even family members. This isolation makes the emotional toll of divorce feel even worse.

Your friends may be the partners of your wife’s friends and their loyalties are torn. These friends might offer a consoling drink but may not be available for the long term work of rebuilding your life. Many men find they lose friends in the divorce.

Divorce is an emotional journey and it’s important that you’re patient with yourself. Learn more about the different emotional stages of divorce and how long they each take.

3. Financial strain

Divorce frequently brings financial upheaval. Legal fees, child and/or spousal maintenance payments and the division of assets can leave you feeling financially vulnerable, adding another layer of stress. Many men feel that they have been reduced to their monetary value and don’t feel recognised for being themselves.

Read our complete guide to splitting your money and property if you’re unsure where to start.

4. Suppressed emotions

Society traditionally discourages men from expressing vulnerability or sadness. As a result, many men channel their pain into anger or numb themselves through unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking, gaming or overworking.

Six top tips for dealing with divorce as a man

1. Find a safe space for emotional expression

Find a judgment-free environment where you can openly share your feelings with other people who understand what you're going through. One-to-one or group discussions will help you discover the power of being vulnerable and connecting with others.

2. Focus on self-growth and rebuilding your identity

Reconnect with who you are outside of your marriage. Ask yourself about your values, what kind of life you want to lead and what motivates you to get up in the morning.

3. Learn practical healing tools and strategies

Mindfulness exercises, self-care, therapy sessions and physical activities like hiking or fitness training can help you process emotions and reduce stress. These tools equip you to handle emotional challenges in healthier ways.

4. Find a strong support base

Finding a community that offers a sense of camaraderie can really help during and after divorce. Sharing meals, stories and experiences with others creates a bond that reminds you that you're not alone in this journey.

5. Learn to be open with other men

Many men are under-fathered and over-mothered. This makes it hard for them to open up to other men and leaves them over-reliant on women for emotional conversations.

As a result, as a marital therapist with almost 40 years’ experience, I see men rushing into a new relationship after divorce – before they have properly healed. Not only does that potentially complicate their divorce, it prevents them from discovering who they are and where they are heading. These men may get pulled into their new partner’s plans before they even stop to think about what they really want.

Try to be open with your male friends so you go into a new relationship from a position of strength not neediness.

6. Start afresh

The best way to think of divorce is a reset: what do you want to do differently in the second part of your life? It is best to look deep inside to discover what is right for you – rather than falling into the trap of following society’s expectations. Time away from your usual routine and getting to know yourself better is a great foundation.

Could a men’s retreat help you cope with your divorce?

Divorce is undeniably painful, but it can also be an opportunity for growth and transformation. Attending a men's retreat allows you to step away from daily pressures and focus entirely on yourself.

As a therapist, podcast host and leader of men’s workshops, one of my core messages is that healing begins when we stop running from our emotions and start listening to them. A retreat offers the time and space to do just that: reflect on your experiences, process your pain, learn from others and rediscover what makes life meaningful.

Many men’s retreats offer a physical challenge (and are led by ex-Special Forces or athletes), while others are faith based or focus on mindfulness and wellbeing. There are fewer in the UK and Europe with a psychological underpinning – like the one I am leading this September in Germany. These are some of the things we will be doing:

• Heart circles. A chance to speak from the heart and listen from the heart. The only person who can speak is the man holding the talisman which facilitates deeper sharing without the risk of being interrupted
• What it means to be a man today. Looking at the male Jungian archetypes of King, Warrior, Lover and Magician and how embodying them can transform your life
• Going deeper through rituals. It is not just talking but active learning through doing
• Ancient tales. Mythology holds the collected wisdom of our ancestors. The original tales – that the Grimm Brothers collected at the beginning of the 90th century – were passed down from generations of storytellers round an open fire and there is something potent about hearing them in their original setting
• Vision Quest. A technique to go into your unconscious and discover the part of yourself that knows best in order to find a new direction for your post-divorce life
• Community building. These activities include sharing food, singing together, relaxing in the hot tub or sauna and swimming in the lake.

My men's retreat in the woods takes place just outside Berlin from Sunday 28 September to Wednesday 1 October 2025. Visit www.andrewgmarshall.com for more details and a 20% early bird discount until Easter. The group will host between twenty and thirty men and we have already sold all the premium single rooms. Book your place now.