Self-care & divorce

Going through a divorce is never easy. It’s a time of big change, uncertainty, and mixed emotions. Regardless of whether the decision to part ways was mutual, or if the process caught you off guard, divorce can feel like an emotional rollercoaster.

The overwhelming nature of divorce can often mean that self-care and looking after your wellbeing is the first thing to go out the window. Leaving many people to feel drained and worn out.

The combination of stress, sadness, anxiety, and sometimes even anger can create a challenging headspace for you to live in. Which makes prioritising self-care during this time even more important, to help you regain confidence, heal emotionally, and pave the way for a positive future.

Prioritising mental and emotional self-care

Emotions often run high during a divorce. Anger, sadness, confusion, guilt, or even relief are all normal and valid. While it might feel easier to push these feelings aside, acknowledging and processing them is crucial for your emotional healing. Here are some ways to help your mental and emotional health that you can start using today:

1. Give yourself permission to feel

It’s okay to feel whatever comes up, even if your emotions seem conflicting. One moment, you might feel relief; the next, deep sadness. Letting yourself experience these feelings without judgement can ease the emotional load you’re feeling.

Journaling can also be a great tool for releasing your thoughts and emotions. Writing down your feelings, however raw or unfiltered they are, can be a powerful way to clear your mind and gain some perspective on your situation.

2. Get professional help

Sometimes, self-care means knowing when to reach out for professional help.

Talking to a therapist, counsellor or contacting your GP during divorce can be really beneficial. They provide a safe, unbiased space to help you navigate all the feelings that arise during a divorce, develop coping strategies, rebuild your sense of self and move toward acceptance and healing.

Group therapy or support groups can connect you with others going through similar experiences, helping you to feel less alone.

Many people also find guidance from a Divorce Specialist helpful in managing the day-to-day aspects of separation and creating a clear plan to make your future as positive as possible.

3. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing, can help to ground you during moments of stress or anxiety.

Simple techniques, like taking a few deep breaths or focusing on your senses, can help shift your mind away from spiralling thoughts. Apps such as Headspace or Calm offer guided meditations, which can be really helpful if you’re new to mindfulness.

Our partners at BetterHelp offer counselling and therapy online at a time that suits you. They will match you with a qualified therapist based on what you’re looking for and want support with.

amicable customers receive 20% off their first month. Click here to match with a therapist today.

Maintaining physical health

Divorce can impact your physical health in ways you don’t expect. For example, the stress you might be feeling can disrupt your sleep, lower your immunity, and contribute to physical exhaustion.

Here are some examples of simple practices that you can incorporate into your daily routine to make a big difference to your physical health:

1. Stay active

You don’t need to take up an intensive workout regime to feel the benefits of physical movement. Simple activities like going for a walk or practising yoga can make a real difference. If time is tight, even ten minutes of movement a day can help to boost your mood.

The goal here is to get your body moving in ways that feel good for you. Regular physical activity helps release endorphins, the “happy hormones,” which combat feelings of sadness and anxiety and can lead to better sleep.

2. Prioritise sleep

Sleep can be one of the first things affected by stress. But sleep is also one of the biggest contributors to your overall wellbeing, so you don’t want to ignore it if you’re not sleeping well.

Try to create and maintain a calming bedtime routine. For example, reading a book, taking a warm bath, or listening to soothing music can help signal to your body that it’s time to rest.

If you’re struggling with sleep, apps like Sleep Cycle or playing white noise sounds can help to create a restful environment.

3. Nourish your body

It's common to overlook healthy eating habits during the emotional highs and lows, stress, and overwhelm that often come with divorce. But nourishing your body is key to maintaining strength and energy, helping you feel more prepared to handle the challenges of the divorce process.

Try to focus on balanced meals, staying hydrated, and choosing foods that make you feel good.

Setting healthy boundaries

Divorce often involves regular communication with your ex-partner, which can be challenging if emotions are still raw. Setting boundaries is a form of self-care that helps protect your energy and emotional wellbeing.

Here are a few suggestions of how to set healthy boundaries between you and your ex whilst going through divorce:

1. Manage communication

If possible, agree with your ex-partner on communication boundaries. For example, limiting conversations to necessary topics, or using text or email instead of phone calls can help keep interactions focused and reduce the potential for conflict.

If children are involved, the amicable co-parenting app can help to facilitate clear, child-focused conversations.

2. Take breaks

Allow yourself time away from divorce-related conversations, tasks, or admin. Dedicate certain times of day as ‘divorce-free zones’ where you focus on hobbies, socialising, or simply resting.

Giving yourself a break from the constant discussions about divorce can give your mind space to recharge.

3. Practice saying no

If someone asks you to do something that feels overwhelming or unnecessary, it’s okay to say no. Putting yourself first is not selfish, it's an act of self-compassion that will help you heal and handle the divorce on your own terms.

Building a supportive network

Divorce can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation, especially if your friends or family feel split in their loyalties to you or your ex. So, building up a reliable support network can make a world of difference.

Here’s how you can start to create your own support network:

1. Connect with supportive friends and family

Lean on friends or family members who are supportive and non-judgmental. Sharing your feelings with trusted people can provide comfort and perspective. Even if you just need someone to listen, speaking to those closest to you can help you feel less alone.

2. Consider joining a support group

Whether in person or online, divorce support groups offer a great space to connect with people experiencing similar challenges to you. Hearing others’ stories and sharing your own can reduce any feelings of isolation and remind you that you’re not alone on this journey.

3. Explore new connections

Sometimes, exploring new social groups or activities can help you to meet new people, give you a fresh perspective and help you to build a new sense of purpose.

Joining local classes, community groups, sports/activities or volunteering can be great ways to boost your circle of friends.

Focusing on personal growth

Although divorce can be a painful process, it can also be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Embracing this time as a chance to rediscover who you are can be empowering and help you start a new positive chapter in your life.

Here’s some ways you can kick-start your personal growth journey:

1. Revisit old hobbies or try something new

Getting back into hobbies or discovering new interests can be a great way to rebuild your confidence. Whether it’s painting, hiking, fitness classes, learning a language, or something entirely new, these activities can give you a positive outlet and add a refreshing change to your routine.

The Cliq app can be a great way to find communities near you that do the things you love, or you can use it as a way to try something completely new.

2. Set goals for the future

Setting small, achievable goals can give you a sense of direction and purpose.

Focus on steps that help you feel more independent and fulfilled, like decluttering your home, starting a fitness routine, or planning a solo trip.

3. Practice gratitude

It may seem difficult to feel grateful during this challenging time, but practising gratitude can bring you a little positivity to each day.

Take a moment to acknowledge even the smallest positives, such as a good conversation, a nice meal, or a peaceful moment. It can shift your perspective and help you to view the future positively.

4. Create a new routine

One of the most unsettling parts of divorce is the disruption of your routine. Creating a new daily schedule can help you restore a sense of stability.

Establishing structure in your day-to-day life, even if it’s as simple as waking up at the same time every day or planning meals, can reduce stress and give you achievable goals to focus on.

As you establish a new routine, incorporate activities that make you feel good, whether that’s a hobby you’ve always loved or something new that you’ve been curious to try.

It’s important to remember that healing from divorce is not straightforward. There will be good days and bad days, and the ups and downs are entirely natural.

Self-care doesn’t end when you start to feel better, it’s a lifelong commitment to prioritising your wellbeing. But by prioritising your self-care you’re taking the first steps toward rebuilding a fulfilling, joyful life so that you can move positively into your next chapter.

At amicable, we’re here to help you every step of the way through your divorce, offering practical and emotional advice tailored to your needs.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, consider speaking to one of our divorce specialists who can provide guidance for your circumstances. You can book your free 15-minute consultation with our Divorce Specialists here to discover the best plan of action for your situation.

FAQs

What are some simple self-care activities I can do during my divorce?

Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate. Simple activities like taking a daily walk, journaling, practising mindfulness, or listening to your favourite music can help improve your mood and reduce stress. Connecting with supportive friends or family and taking time for activities that bring you joy are also important aspects of self-care. The key is to choose activities that make you feel nurtured and relaxed.

How can I manage anxiety during the divorce process?

Managing anxiety often comes down to focusing on the present moment. Practising mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, and setting small, achievable goals can all help reduce anxiety. Physical activities like yoga or light exercise can also be effective in alleviating anxious feelings. Getting professional help, such as counselling or therapy, can also be very effective in managing anxious thoughts and feelings.

Is it normal to feel overwhelmed even after the divorce is final?

Absolutely. Healing from divorce takes time, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed even after the legal process is over. Emotions can surface at different stages, especially as you adjust to a new routine. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgement, and continue engaging in self-care practices that help your wellbeing.

How long does it take to emotionally recover from a divorce?

There’s no fixed timeline for recovering from divorce, everyone’s healing journey is unique. It depends on various factors, such as the length of the marriage, the circumstances of the divorce, and individual coping mechanisms. It’s important to give yourself time and to be patient with your emotions. Healing can take months or even years, and that’s completely normal.