Adjusting to a new lifestyle post-divorce

Is fear holding you back from leaving an unhealthy relationship? You’re not alone.

We know that fear is a common driver for preventing people from ending unhealthy relationships or moving forward with their separation.

In this blog, we explore some practical things that you can do if you think that fear is holding you back.

Five tips to help you adjust to a new lifestyle during a separation:

Tip 1. Understand the difference between a 'bad patch' and the irretrievable breakdown of a relationship:

A bad patch can occur at any point in a relationship and is usually fixable. On the other hand, an irretrievable breakdown of a relationship means that the problems in the relationship have become so severe or fundamental that they cannot be resolved or repaired. It suggests that the issues have escalated to a point where the relationship is no longer healthy or sustainable.

If you're not sure, read our blog on how to know whether a relationship is over, speak to a therapist or try couples counselling.

Tip 2. Be honest with yourself and your partner:

If you're sure your relationship is over, you need to be honest with yourself and your partner. Having the 'I want a divorce' conversation can be difficult, but until your partner knows the relationship is over, they won't be able to begin the emotional journey, which will delay your ability to start to talk about the logistics of separating.

Tip 3. Knowledge is power, don't be naive about the numbers:

An obstacle for many people who want to end their relationship is fear of the unknown, especially around finances. Burying your head in the sand won't help, it will make things worse. Grasping a handle on your finances will enable you to go into your separation with a clearer understanding of what you have and what your future might look like.

Tip 4. Understand that you will need to adjust to a new lifestyle:

Adjusting to a new lifestyle post-separation is inevitable for you and your family, but that doesn't mean that you can't build positive futures apart. Adopting a growth mindset and goal setting can be really useful in understanding how your new life could look.

Tip 5. It doesn't need to be 'bad':

At amicable, we say separation is a sad thing, not a bad thing. Being in an unhappy or unhealthy relationship impacts your wellbeing and if you have children, theirs too.

For more tips and advice around this, listen to the latest episode of The Divorce Podcast on Adjusting to a new lifestyle post-separation.