Seven ‘new beginnings’ to embrace after divorce or separation

Divorce is a life event marked by lots of change for many people. It often leads to a period of reflection.

‘Divorce can feel like a full-frontal assault, forcing you – sometimes for the first time in a long time – to think deeply about your life and what’s really important. Whether motivated by a change in circumstance, such as time or money, or a passion ignited or rediscovered, there is opportunity in the chaos.’ - Kate Daly, co-founder of amicable

We’ve spoken to the experts to help you embrace seven new beginnings that may come your way in the future. They offer opportunities to bring new purpose and joy into your life.

But there’s no need to rush. Where you can, take as much time as you need to process what’s happened and heal after separation or divorce before jumping into something new.

Seven ‘new beginnings’ after separation and how to get started

1. Finding a new interest or hobby

You may have had shared interests with your ex-partner that no longer feel special anymore, or perhaps you have more time on your hands now, and want to put it to good use. Lots of us have passions and interests that we’ve never followed before – and now is as good a time as any to give them a try!

‘Starting a new hobby after a divorce can be truly transformative. It’s a chance to focus on yourself and rebuild your confidence,’ says certified relationship, life and mind coach Nicole Everingham. ‘Hobbies can also provide a sense of purpose and help you connect with like-minded people, giving you a new social outlet.’

Always fancied being a potter? Swam competitively as a child but didn’t keep it up? ‘Choose something that excites you and feels achievable,’ says Nicole.

It can be hard to find time for yourself if you have young children or a busy job, but even 20 minutes a day is enough to light a spark. There are many options online, from language classes and virtual creative writing meetings to coding courses or yoga tutorials.

2. Creating a new mindset

‘Divorce can shake your sense of identity, rock your self-esteem and leave you questioning your outlook on life,’ says life coach Nicole, who went through divorce herself. ‘But it’s also an opportunity to refocus on your needs and move forward with a more positive mindset.’

Most long-term relationships require some compromise, so when your relationship ends, the things you changed for your ex-partner might sit a bit differently. Feeling a bit lost is natural. ‘Journalling can be a great way to explore your feelings and reflect on your values,’ says Nicole.

Your mindset may also change during or after your divorce. ‘Try to catch yourself in negative self-talk and reframe it with something more compassionate. Small steps, like practising gratitude or setting simple daily goals, can be really empowering,’ advises Nicole.

Struggling to shift your perspective? You may benefit from one-to-one coaching. A life coach can help you uncover and overcome limiting beliefs and create a healthier mindset.

3. Moving to a new home

You may have mixed feelings about an impending house move post-separation. You may be sad to leave your family home after your divorce or it may be a relief if you’ve been living there with your ex-partner post-separation. Either way, a new home is the ultimate clean slate. This is your chance to start afresh and create a home that suits you at this stage in your life. A mood board can help if you need to build up your vision from scratch.

Whether you want to be minimalistic, or go all out, putting your stamp on things doesn’t have to break the bank. A new throw for the sofa, a few daring paint choices or a bold piece of art can go a long way. If you’re renting, there’s still lots you can do to transform your home into a space that feels like you.

Follow Deborah Stubbington on Instagram for renter-friendly DIY ideas on a budget. If you need help selling your home, we’ve partnered with trusted conveyancers Sail Homes. They're low cost, fixed fee and faster than industry average. Visit their website for a no-obligation quote.

4. Starting a new career

Some people are forced into a new job when they divorce in order to make ends meet, while others decide that the job that served them in their previous, married life, no longer ticks their boxes post-separation. ‘A career change can feel daunting and downright scary, but embrace it as an opportunity to align your work with who you’ve become,’ says Kate, who co-founded amicable after her own divorce.

‘In fact, a new job can be a real lifeline during or after divorce,’ she says. ‘It can provide structure, distraction and, most importantly, a reminder that you are capable of building something new. Don’t let fear hold you back. As one of many therapists used to tell me, a life lived in fear, is a life half lived.’

A new job may also help you build self-esteem and confidence post-divorce. Being part of a community – whether at work or outside of work – can provide a sense of motivation and purpose as well as a new support network.

Of course, all this is made more difficult and intimidating if you’re a parent, as Kate found out when she co-founded amicable. ‘As an entrepreneur, you are expected to be “always on” and focused on your business. Doing that with young children, with no partner to pick up the slack and no cash in the early days to pay someone to pick up the slack, is tough,’ she remembers.

‘I coped by telling myself constantly that there are many different ways to be a good parent and that when my kids were older, they would be better humans and maybe even proud and inspired by what I’d achieved.’

5. Building a new co-parenting relationship with your ex

If you have children, separation doesn’t change the fact that you and your ex-partner are both dedicated parents who want to put their kids first. Working out how you’ll co-parent effectively is key, especially if mismatched parenting styles was one of the reasons your relationship broke down.

‘This can be one of the hardest transitions to navigate post-divorce. To succeed, you need to re-establish boundaries and learn to communicate respectfully with each other,’ says amicable Co-parenting Specialist Rebecca Jones. ‘Have an honest and open conversation about what you both consider acceptable. Clearly define boundaries and discuss how you want your new relationship to take shape. Respecting each other’s feelings and setting emotions aside are all crucial steps in this process.’

It helps to see your co-parenting relationship as something entirely new. This transition can take work, but it is well worth the effort. ‘When done well, you can develop a co-parenting relationship that not only benefits your children, but also encourages a more positive dynamic between you as adults,’ says Rebecca. ‘This allows you to handle challenging situations with greater understanding and resolve them with less stress and frustration.’

We provide a Separating with Children Service for couples at any stage of their co-parenting relationship. It can be really useful to get professional help in the early stages of your separation, but you may also come up against obstacles later down the line. In our sessions we give parents the tools they need to solve problems together and build a healthy, resilient co-parenting relationship that prioritises their children’s wellbeing.

6. Meeting a new partner

Lots of people don’t feel ready to start a new relationship for a long time after divorce – if ever – and that’s ok. Others meet someone new quickly, but there can still be lots of mixed feelings about taking that next step.

‘It’s natural to feel hesitant or nervous, especially if you’re still healing,’ says relationships coach Nicole. ‘But it’s also a chance to approach relationships with fresh eyes and a deeper understanding of what works for you. A new partner can bring companionship, joy and personal growth, but it’s important to take things at your own pace.’

Spend some time focussing on your relationship with yourself first. Perhaps another of the ‘new beginnings’ on this list would help with this?

‘Reflect on what went well in your previous relationship and what didn’t. This can help you avoid repeating patterns,’ says Nicole. ‘When you’re ready, approach new connections with curiosity rather than pressure. Healthy boundaries and open communication will help you build a relationship that feels right for you.’

Read our blog on dating tips post-divorce, whether you have kids or not.

7. Joining a new, blended family

Finding a new partner when one or both of you has children from previous relationships can feel daunting. But this is also an exciting prospect. ‘Blended families are becoming increasingly common, especially as people divorce earlier in life and often have young children,’ says Co-parenting Specialist Rebecca.

‘Meeting someone new after your divorce is an amazing experience, and it’s even more rewarding when you get to introduce your children to each other. You can look forward to spending meaningful family time together, watching your children form close bonds with your partner’s children, and seeing them thrive under the care and influence of another adult,’ says Rebecca. ‘The presence of more loving and supportive adults in a child’s life is undeniably beneficial.’

Blended families may also come with some unique challenges. ‘There may be different parenting styles at play but ensuring consistency across all children is key,’ says Rebecca. ‘It’s also important to acknowledge and reflect on the feelings you may have toward your stepchildren. These feelings might differ from those you have for your own children, and understanding and accepting this is a key part of building a healthy, supportive family dynamic for everyone involved.’

Explore our full blog for tips on how to adjust to blended family life. If you’re struggling to make it work, our Separating with Children Service may help. We offer 90-minute sessions with specialists experienced in helping families like yours.