What is co-parenting and how does it work?

Parenting after divorce or separation is tricky for many couples. Different parenting styles may have been one of the reasons that the relationship broke down, or perhaps the idea of not living full-time with your child is still upsetting.

Co-parenting is a collaborative approach to parenting after separation or divorce. Co-parents share the responsibility of raising their children. This often involves working together to make important decisions on your child’s behalf – such as where they will go to school – as well as sharing day-to-day responsibilities – such as making packed lunches and managing swimming lessons or doctor’s visits.

The goal of co-parenting is to continue to provide a stable and supportive family environment, prioritising your child's wellbeing despite changes in their living arrangements. Effective co-parenting requires open communication, mutual respect and a willingness to cooperate, even when parents may not agree on everything. It’s not always straightforward and it may feel impossible right now, but successful co-parenting is a great goal to keep in mind.

Here’s how co-parenting typically works and the benefits for you and your family.

What does co-parenting mean?

Co-parenting refers to a collaborative parenting arrangement where both parents continue to share the responsibilities of raising their child after a separation or divorce. It involves a commitment from both parents to remain involved in their child's life despite no longer being romantically involved.

Successful co-parents need to practise effective communication, mutual respect and joint decision-making around all aspects of your child's life, whether that’s healthcare, education or extra-curricular activities.

How does co-parenting typically work?

The process of co-parenting usually starts by establishing a detailed parenting plan to outline how exactly responsibilities will be shared.

This plan usually lays out overnight schedules, holiday arrangements, your approach to special occasions and your parenting values, among many other things. There are many ways to co-parent – not all will decide that totally equal shared care is right for them. You may co-parent by having your child every other weekend with one additional mid-week stay or any other variation that works for you.

Both parents should be open to adapting your parenting plan as your child grows older and their needs change. This may involve regular discussions about your child's progress, sharing important information about their education and social life and agreeing on any rules around bedtimes or screen time.

The goal is to create a consistent and stable environment for your child across both households. This consistency will help your child adjust to the new family dynamic while benefiting from the involvement of both parents in their lives.

Why is co-parenting important?

Co-parenting plays a very important role in a child’s wellbeing and development after divorce or separation. When parents collaborate effectively, they create an environment where their child can maintain strong relationships with them both despite the change in family structure.

Co-parenting helps reduce tension and the possibility of future arguments between both parents. This in turn, reduces stress for your child, who may otherwise feel caught in the middle. By working together, you can make balanced, joint decisions that prioritise your child's best interests.

Five benefits of co-parenting for you and your child

1. Stability

Co-parenting plays an important role in providing stability for children after separation or divorce. When both parents maintain a consistent approach to routines, rules and expectations, your child is less likely to feel torn between the two of you, or like they are living two separate lives.

Stability also enables your child to adjust more easily to the new family dynamic, as they can rely on familiar routines and boundaries across both households

2. Emotional support

Having both parents actively engaged in their upbringing offers children a stronger emotional support system. During a time of significant change, it is crucial for children to feel loved and valued by both parents.

By working together, co-parents can provide reassurance and security, helping to ease any anxiety or stress that your child may experience.

3. Improved communication skills

Ongoing dialogue between parents ensures that both feel heard. Children observe their parents’ behaviour, and if you can manage any disagreements calmly and respectfully, this can provide a great example to children, teaching them how to deal with their own emotions.

4. Improved relationships

A co-parenting arrangement can help reduce tension and actually improve the relationship between separated parents.

When parents are committed to working together, they are more likely to resolve disagreements amicably and avoid situations that could cause arguments. This improved relationship creates a more peaceful home environment for your child.

5. Shared financial responsibilities

Co-parenting often involves splitting costs associated with raising your child, which can benefit both parents. Sharing expenses for extracurricular activities, clothing and any medical costs ensures that your child's requirements are met without placing the strain on one parent.

Explore our co-parenting resources

At amicable, we provide a whole selection of resources to help you navigate the complexities of co-parenting.

Whether you're looking for advice on creating a parenting plan, communicating with your ex-partner, or legal guidance, our tools and expert tips are designed to support you every step of the way.

Sometimes co-parenting can be tough and you might feel like there are aspects that you and your ex-partner just can’t agree on. We can help. Contact our Co-Parenting Specialists today to find out how to start or move forward with your co-parenting journey. We’d love to hear from you.