Advice forum

Hi! My little family recently moved to Finland in January 2023. My family is me, my partner, our almost 2 year old, and my oldest son - from my previous relationship, who just turned 5. My ex-husband, the father of my first born, was completely OK with the move and we have documentation of all of this. My oldest son has been to visit his father in France in June 2023, I flew with him (and flew back the same day) - and the same to pick him up again. All went very smoothly, and I explained the ins-and-outs of next time, when he will fly as an unaccompanied minor. His father would like him to visit again in the next month or two. His father and I cannot agree on the following 2 things, which is why I'd like other parents feedback. Son can fly accompanied to France, with his passport. However, I refuse to give my son (and therefore his father in France) the passport, in the fear that the father may switch the passport for the French ID card on his return to Finland. His father refuses to send his ID card by post so that he can travel to and from Finland. He likes to keep son's ID card as a 'memorabilia', and does not want me to have it. The reason I do not trust son's father with the passport, is because, when I left him when our son was a baby, the father held on to the passport for 3 years, refused to hand it over - thus meaning I could not see any of my family for 3 years, as my son had no travel document (my family lives all over the world). I even went to court to obtain the passport, and the judges ordered the father to hand the passport over, including the ID card. Despite the paperwork, he only handed over the passport. Police did not help as legally the father has a 'right' to have the passport in his possession as a legal guardian. Context: with ID card, the person can only travel in Europe. With passport, the person can travel internationally. Thus, if the father keeps his passport hostage again... you get my drift... Father says he now holds no grudges, and 'will' send son back to Finland with his passport, but I just do not trust him. Any experiences with this sort of thing?

Liselotte Peterson at 22.09.2023 13:15:10

91

Our divorce states I am to pay for a % of direct transportation to and from our homes. Am I obligated pay for the full cost of if my ex drives cross country on a road trip to return our kids. Also, if he decides to purchase 1st class tickets am I required to pay the full amount?

NewCoParent at 18.07.2023 13:34:32

264

I just found out that my x's live in boyfriend took my daughter took to a Father/Daughter dance. This was done on a weekend that I do not have my children without my knowledge or consent. I found out from my daughter after the fact and subsequently got upset, leaving an awkward emotional situation the two of us. For context she is 9, and had no idea that this would hurt my feelings. I have no issue with the x's boyfriend trying to do something nice with my children to create a bond, but I felt this was truly over the line. Am I being selfish? I know I was intentionally left in the dark about this, and now I am outraged with the communication with my x getting derogatory. She doesn't get it and she never will, but I am not going to sit back and not let her know that this was disrespectful. That fact that this dude gets to see my own daughter every day, and thinks he then can steal special moments like that is pretty hard for me to swallow. Any thoughts or advice would be helpful.

Robert at 28.02.2023 18:50:11

450

I have two children who live 50/50 between two home. Ex moved out shortly after separation and moved out of the local area. Children remained being schooled in my local area where they have family and friends. Couple of years ago family Court decided on school choice in favour of them staying in the local area. Ex wasn't happy and stopped supporting kids with their extra curricular activities. Few months ago I applied to court for a CAO due to on going issues with the kids but plan was agreed so withdrew from court. But recently that plan has now been thrown out by Ex and kids have been told they will never get to go their activities when at ex's house. Kids are very upset about this and feel let down and even saying they don't want to stay at Ex house as much. What can I do as discussing this with Ex is impossible due to controlling and coercive behaviour?

Mr T at 08.01.2022 9:30:23

733

My son is being left in the care of my ex partners new boyfriend's parents.. I'm not happy about this as I know nothing about them. Does she need my permission?

Andi at 15.07.2021 12:10:41

2583

I’m worried about telling my children that we’re getting divorced, they are so little. I don’t know how to explain it to them?

unknown at 05.10.2017 8:03:04

3967

How do I work out how much child maintenance I should be getting from my ex?

DWG at 05.01.2018 8:02:58

3966

When my wife worked abroad, she met a man who eventually became her lover. Due to that, we broke up. She filed a divorce which will be granted soon. But that is not the problem here. It’s about her taking my son, Mike, away from me. I understand that when the parents got divorced, the kids should at least be at the mother’s jurisdiction. However, this is not how it goes here. She said they will be moving to a foreign country soon and she won’t tell me where exactly. My concern is, I have to know so that I can visit my son anytime I want. She did not seem to understand it that way. She literally wants me to cut off the tie with my son, which is not right. I would never agree to that. Can we not let our son decide whom he wants to stay with? Mike just turned 12 and old enough to decide on his own.

FatherGrant at 05.08.2018 8:02:10

3850