Advice forum

I told my husband that I can no longer live with him due to his alcoholism and the effect is having on our children of aged nine and seven. The seven-year-old doesn’t understand what’s going on but the nine-year-old doesn’t has a full understanding of what his dad‘s been up to. The Trust is completely gone and I don’t think we will get it back We have had social services involvement three times and I worry if we separate that he will be able to have the children as a 50-50 share but I do not feel this is keeping our children safe

Single48 at 12.08.2026 14:45:22

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So my family has had social care involvement three times now this is due to my husband‘s alcoholism. We are about to live apart as I am unable to live with him anymore. What would be an ideal situation for our children?

Single48 at 12.08.2026 14:41:56

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Hi, currently in 20 week waiting period but have jo clue how to start child arrangements. He wants 50/50 i am not so sure as he start beeing father one we said we are divorcing. What option do I have ?

Bruno at 30.05.2026 15:40:06

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Hi My wife has applied for divorce. Things have been tough for a while. Its not what I wanted, but I accept it. I was diagnosed with Relative Energy Deficiency in Sport recently, and have developed (but recovered from) disordered eating. I've sought support at every level and made changes. I competed some therapy, and recognised i had felt undermined and inadequate in our relationship for years. I shared this with my wife as restoratively as I could, but she accused me on denial and deflecting and a week later sought a divorce. I have cared the children their whole life, including more of the school runs and bedtimes etc. Her reason for divorce is that I'm "ill" based entirely on her feelings which she describes as "her data" without any medical evidence. I am therefore now, suddenly, unsafe to be around the children for a prolonged length of time and is seeking to entirely rework our children's established routines because she does not "feel" I am fit to be a parent. I have sought support for my recovery, and have medical evidence (blood test results) that show I am not unwell. She regularly leaves me in their care, whilst she works and to see friends/have social occasions. I feel like I'm going mad. Is this strong rationale to separate me from my children? She has spoken with her Solicitors and feels confident she will get her desired outcome, consigning to essentially being a weekend dad. I feel so confused. I would love an honest, objective perspective as to whether she is entitled to seek this based on apparently nothing more than her self-diagnosis of my health please. Thank you all x

Richard at 30.04.2026 13:55:00

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I don't really know how to explain this. Since my wife and I separated and I moved into a flat in town, I see my two (8 and 11) every other weekend and one evening in the week. Which I know isn't nothing. But it feels like nothing. My oldest barely talks to me when they're here, just on their phone the whole time, and my youngest cries when they have to go back. I used to do the school run every single morning, that was our time, and now I'm just... not there. We haven't got a child arrangements order in place yet, it's all just informal at the moment, and I'm scared to rock the boat by pushing for more. Does it get easier or am I just grieving something that's gone?

FindingNemo at 17.04.2026 11:49:28

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Hi everyone, Supporting teenagers through separation can feel particularly complex. They’re often dealing with big changes already, friendships, identity, independence, and family changes can add another layer of emotion and uncertainty. On **Monday 13th April at 12:30pm**, we’re running a 45-minute webinar on “Supporting your teenager during divorce”, hosted by Anthony Syder and Erik Castenskiold. They’ll be sharing insights into how teenagers experience separation, along with practical ways to support them, communicate openly, and avoid placing them in the middle of conflict. There’ll also be time for questions at the end. Ahead of the session, we’d really value hearing from the community: - What have you found most challenging about supporting a teenager through separation? - Have there been any approaches that have helped (or not helped) when it comes to communication or boundaries? Sharing your experiences can help others feel less alone, and may help shape some of the discussion in the webinar. If you haven’t already, you can [book your place here](https://amicable.space/webinar/supporting-your-teenager-during-divorce)

Mahalia from amicable at 09.04.2026 11:54:58

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Hi all, Ive found this forum really helpful over the last few months so thought I'd share where I'm at and see if anyone else is in the same boat. My husband and I separated last summer after about 12 years together. We have two kids, Freya who's 8 and Noah who's 5. We actually stayed under the same roof until after Christmas, we didn't want to disrupt things for the kids over the holidays, so we've only really been properly living apart since January. We've been doing a rough week on/week off since then and its more or less working, not a formal agreement just something we fell into. The problem is Easter is coming up and I honestly don't know how to handle it. This will be the first proper school holiday we've had to actually split, and I've been putting off the conversation because every time holidays come up it gets a bit tense, not hostile exactly, just a bit loaded. Noah asked me last week if the Easter bunny knows he has two houses now, which absolutley floored me. I held it together in the moment but cried about it later in the car. He's fine, I know he's fine, but its those little things that catch you off guard isn't it. Practically speaking I don't really know whether to suggest splitting the two weeks down the middle, alternating who has Easter Sunday itself, or whether we try and spend part of it together for the kids sake, which feels nice in theory but I'm not sure either of us is quite ready for that. He also mentioned his mum wants the kids to visit for a few days which I wasn't expecting and didn't really know what to say to. Has anyone worked out a system for school holidays that actually feels fair rather than just whoever pushes hardest getting their way? And for those who've been through a first Easter after separating, is it as hard as I'm imagining or does it end up being okay? Any honest thoughts appreciated, good or bad.

EarlGreyTea at 16.03.2026 16:55:40

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Since my separation last year, I’ve been feeling more and more like I’m on the outside when it comes to family decisions. We have two kids, 12 and 15, and I get to see them on weekends and some evenings. Even though my ex and I try to co-parent, it feels like all the big choices about school, extracurriculars, and even holidays are being made without me. I try to voice my opinions, but sometimes I feel like I’m just being “consulted” rather than actually included. It’s frustrating because I want to stay involved and support the kids, but I also don’t want to create conflict. On the other hand, I feel resentful and a bit hurt that my input isn’t always considered, and I keep second-guessing whether I’m overreacting. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you make sure your voice was heard without it turning into constant arguments? I’d really appreciate hearing strategies or just knowing I’m not the only one in this situation.

Ant82 at 20.02.2026 14:40:44

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We’re in half term this week and I’m already feeling fed up and overwhlemed. My kids (7 and 10) normally split time between me and their dad, but he's conveniently gone away so I've got them for the full week this time. We separated last year and the coparenting has generally worked well, but this is my first time managing a whole week solo. The weather is pretty grim so outdoor activities are limited, and my budget is tighter now that we’re living separately. Everything feels like double the effort when it’s just me. How do you survive half term on your own? Any tips for keeping the kids entertained, staying sane, and not breaking the bank? Would love to hear what’s worked for others.

SoloSally at 17.02.2026 11:35:03

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I also enjoyed the webinar today about separating with children. Are there anymore webinars about co-parenting planned soon?

Ginny at 09.02.2026 17:00:32

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Thanks to those of you who joined our webinar today on **'Why how you separate matters to your children'.** You can find resources from The Parents Promise for parents here: - [Education initiative](https://theparentspromise.org.uk/education-initiative#:~:text=Parent%20and%20teacher%20resources) - [Separation guide for parents (PDF) ](https://theparentspromise.org.uk/documents/ParentsPromiseSeparationGuideForParents.pdf) As amicable space members you can also [book a free 30 minute consultation call](https://calendly.com/amicable/30-minute-amicable-space) with a Divorce Specialist from amicable. If you need further support with amicable, you may want to consider our [Separating with Children service.](https://amicable.io/separating-with-children-service) If you didn't have time to post your question, or you are watching this webinar as a recording, please post your questions to the forum, and we can get back to you there, or comment on this post below.

Mahalia from amicable at 09.02.2026 13:21:33

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**Separating is hard, and it can be even harder when you’re thinking about the impact on your children.** On **Monday 9th February at 12:30pm**, James Hayhurst from The Parents Promise campaign and our Negotiation Team Lead, Bec Jones, will be running a 45-minute webinar looking at why the way you separate matters so much to your kids. James will introduce The Parents Promise and explain how separating well can support children’s emotional wellbeing, as well as ways schools and workplaces can better support families through this change. You can find resources from The Parents Promise for parents here: - [Education initiative](https://theparentspromise.org.uk/education-initiative) - [Separation guide for parents (PDF)](https://theparentspromise.org.uk/documents/ParentsPromiseSeparationGuideForParents.pdf) Bec will share practical strategies to help you communicate effectively, support your children, and create a smoother transition for everyone. There’ll also be time at the end to ask your own questions. We’d love to hear from the community ahead of the session: **what’s your biggest concern about how your separation might affect your children?** Sharing here might help others feel less alone and shape the discussion in the webinar. If you haven't already, you can [book the webinar here](https://amicable.space/webinar/why-how-you-separate-matters-to-your-children).

Mahalia from amicable at 06.02.2026 12:00:43

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I have two school age children - me and the children will be staying in the family home and the kids will go to their father's every other weekend. I feel really worried about how I'm going to afford running this home and give everything that our kids our used to: school trips, sports clubs, summer holidays, nice presents at birthdays and christmas. How is child maintenance worked out?

SunRise at 19.01.2026 16:11:51

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Been separated about 4 months now. Got two kids, 8 and 10. They’re with me every other week, rest with their mum. On paper it’s all amicable, but honestly it’s hard. Even small things like school trips, sports stuff, homework, feels like a fight to get sorted. I try to keep the same routines – bedtime, homework, screen time – but sometimes I bend just to avoid arguments. Feels like they notice and push boundaries more. Also feel a bit on the outside with some decisions, like I’m not really in control of stuff that affects them. Weekends are nonstop with meals, school stuff, activities and trying to coordinate with their mum. Exhausting. Dads here, how did you get your footing? How do you stay consistent and confident without it turning into a fight every time you speak to your ex? Any tips at all would be good.

TomR at 13.01.2026 0:00:17

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Parents often worry about saying the right thing. What’s helped you navigate those conversations, or what are you still figuring out?

Jade from amicable at 09.01.2026 13:20:38

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We’ve always been really laid back parents, nothing too strict, and our teens have generally responded well. But now we’re separated, I’m worried that any rules or boundaries will just disappear completely. I don’t want to suddenly become a stricter parent because I think that will make them rebel or wonder where it’s coming from, but at the same time I don’t want things to slide so much that it feels like they can do whatever they want and manipulate the situation. Has anyone been through this? How do you keep some consistency and structure without suddenly turning into the “strict parent” or completely losing your chill? Would really appreciate any practical advice or strategies that have worked.

Char88 at 23.12.2025 0:01:03

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This is our first Christmas since separating and I’m definitely overthinking presents. The kids will be with both of us over the holidays and I’m not sure how people usually handle it. Do you coordinate gifts with your ex or just do your own thing? I don’t want to double up on things or make it feel competitive, but I also don’t want it to be awkward or stressful. I’ve probably left it a bit late now to coordinate properly anyway, which feels very on brand for this year. Would love to hear what’s worked for other people, especially in the first year.

Sagey at 17.12.2025 9:27:44

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I joined the ''co parenting at christmas'' webinar with Bec Jones and Anthony Syder and found it really helpful. They covered things such as avoiding awkward questions from family, keeping plans simple for the kids, agreeing on presents etc one thing I’m still unsure about is how to talk to my kids about what christmas will look like now that we are separating. They already know about the divorce, but I want the day to feel calm and not have any negative surprises for them. If anyone has simple ways of explaining the plan or examples of what worked for your family i'd really appreciate it

junebug at 09.12.2025 16:55:49

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Hi everyone, has anyone had experience of trying to persuade their ex to adopt a 50-50 custody arrangement? My son moved in with me in September as he hadn’t attended school living with his mum for months. I’ve got him into a flexi school so Mon to Weds and things are looking like they could be ok. I’m now in financial trouble as stopped work back in September when he moved in. I’ve got a job due to start in January but need my ex to have my 10 y/o two week days to allow this to work. She is not keen as has a full time job. Seems it’s ok for her to refuse to have him more as him moving between houses, more often, will not be in his best interest. I’m really struggling to work out how I’m meant to balance things as it’s all quite depressing. Any advice or thought from anyone would be appreciated.

Salop27 at 07.12.2025 16:12:29

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I’m coming up to a year since separating and it feels like nothing is moving forward. We still haven’t managed to sort out childcare routines or make any real progress with the financial side. Every time I think we’re getting somewhere, it loops back to the same arguments. What’s really draining is that he seems to twist things to suit himself and I end up looking like the difficult one. I’m doing my best to keep things steady for the kids, but it’s exhausting feeling like I’m being pushed around while trying to stay calm. My solicitor keeps saying that pushing too hard could make things worse, but holding back makes me feel like I’m being taken advantage of. Has anyone else been in this limbo where nothing seems to move? How did you cope or break the cycle?

Steffy77 at 25.11.2025 9:11:17

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Has anyone found good ways to explain a separation to young kids without scaring them? Mine are in primary school and I want to handle it gently but honestly. Would appreciate any tips from parents who have been through it.

CupofRosie at 14.11.2025 14:19:21

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hi everyone, can anyone tell me how it usually works with the kids when parents split up? like how do you decide who they stay with most of the time, and how do you make sure they still see both parents properly? do you have to go through court for that or can you just sort it out yourselves if things are fairly civil?

Lottie at 12.11.2025 0:01:00

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As it's getting to *that * time of year... I'm wondering what is the best to split my children's time between me and my ex? This is the first Christmas where me and my ex are separated, I have the children who are 5 and 6 years old, majority of the time. Selfishly, I want my kids to be with me as much as possible over Christmas but I know I'm going to have to share the time with my ex. Should I invite my ex over and try and combine the day? What other ways are fair to split the time over Christmas and NY?

Taurus at 05.11.2025 12:56:55

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me and my ex just can't seem to agree on stuff about our kids schedules and all the logistics of that. I'm just wondering how anyone manages to keep things smooth for the kids I feel like we are just being bad parents because of this now.

Pauli at 03.11.2025 0:00:59

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hi, just wondering what people's thoughts are on how divorce impacts kids and coparenting in general. how do parents manage to keep things smooth for the kids? I feel like this is going to be the hardest part to navigate.

Lucyinthesky at 30.10.2025 0:01:01

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Who decides where the kids spend the majority of their time if the parents get divorced?

Sea Salt at 28.10.2025 11:02:21

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Context: we have 2 girls who are primary school age. Co-parenting is semi-structured but can change because I travel for work. I appreciate my ex-wife is flexible with this, but it then makes child maintenance payments flexible because the number of overnight stays can change per month. How should these calculations be made, or how are others making this calculation? **My view** Calculation is based on number of overnight stays per week. For October, there are 31 days, therefore the calculation is *(number of days per month / 7 days in a week) / number of overnight stays* **My ex-wife's view** There are 5 weeks in October: *5 / number of overnight stays* It is an important distinction because the difference in child maintenance payment isn't a small amount of money. I already contribute more on top of this (clubs, school trips etc) so this is a question of what is right and wrong (to me anyway) We are struggling to agree, so wondering how others might approach this. To me, the concept of 5 weeks in October is plain wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Tagless at 24.10.2025 10:56:57

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We have two children that live with my ex partner. We manage well and I think both spend a good amount of time with them. They are both primary school age. I have always felt we can manage the arrangements with them without any legal input but should we formally agree in writing how we co parent (eg time we see them etc) incase things change in terms of the relationship between me and my ex ?

HamptonM at 23.10.2025 20:57:01

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Hey how to handle situation when my ex dont want to allow me spend time with our dogs?

DivorcedWithPets at 22.10.2025 15:34:39

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Me & my wife have recently divorced and have an agreement on our children's schedule which we are both satisfied with. Any tips on helping our children transition into the new arrangement?

FatherOfFour at 19.10.2025 8:01:01

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when parents split up, how do they usually work out who looks after the kids? is there a common way they figure out how to co-parent, like do they go through court or is it more like sitting down and chatting?

Luna Bloom at 01.10.2025 8:01:02

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How do parents usually sort out co-parenting when they go through a divorce? I'm curious about what happens with the kids and how they manage things like custody and making decisions for the children.

Esme Sparks at 30.09.2025 13:14:47

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Hello, Myself and my wife have decided to seperate. We have 4 young children together. 4,6,9 and 10. I have already found and rented a flat nearby to the family home. However we need advice on when and the best way to tell our children that is age appropriate. Is it best to inform the kids and pretty much immediately move out, or is it better to slowly move to the rented flat giving them time to process it? Any advise on this topic would be greatly appreciated as we really don’t know how to proceed. Thanks in advance.

Tom at 05.06.2025 20:16:23

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My husband’s filed for divorce (no final order released yet) and solicitor served me a notice/ letter that I should not be taking my baby with me to India. To which I agreed. Now, my grandmother is severely ill and baby is breastfeeding 17 months old. He is not letting me go and visit her with my baby. Is there a way I can get help legally to go and visit her or any other way my visa is also expiring on 1st of February

Aks at 01.01.2025 22:35:26

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Our daughter is 21. She has autism and will need to live with me. My husband is making no plans to have a space for her in his new home. He is moving in with the person he had an affair with. I will need to provide a home for her and possibly our other daughter who is 21 when she leaves uni. I have to sell the family home as I cannot afford to buy my husband out. Am I entitled to ask for more of the sale of the home plus can I ask him to pay a monthly sum to our daughter? She is on pip and uc currently.

Kara at 10.12.2024 10:33:25

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My wife is on a 'no recourse to public funds' visa and we live in temporary accommodation with our 3 children. Life has become so unbearable divorce has been spoken about and I believe it would be best all round. The temporary accommodation is in my name and I am still in the universal credit bracket. My wife does not qualify for benefits/government support. She does not work at present. Where do I stand moving forward. We are only just keeping our heads above water financially and I still have 6 months left of my bankruptcy order. I can't work and look after the kids soley if we were to part ways. But my wife would be in no position to support the kids even with me paying child support. I don't know what the way forward is. Anyone who has been in a simulation situation I would be thankful for any advise

Rob at 30.10.2024 20:05:35

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After our separation, my Ex is currently the Main Carer of our 2 kids. She has moved 3.5hrs drive away which I really did not want but was unable to stop and has gone down an Online New Age Rabbit Hole. She has decided, amongst many other things, that Schools are evil (aswell as Hospitals, Doctors, basically anyone Official). So she is now not allowing our 7 yr old Daughter to go back to School, but insisting on "Home Schooling/ Unschooling" her. She's told me that the programme is just 1 hr per day because apparently "thats all she needs". I know she does not have the discipline to do a serious Homeschooling programme, which requires a serious commitment. Our Daughter is clever and enjoys School so this does not make sense. After the trauma of our break up I also feel our Daughter really needs some normalcy, which just being isolated at home with her online mother will not give her. I've applied to her local school nearby but as they have moved 3.5hrs away from me, I cannot physically take her to school when I am working and I know my Ex will not voluntarily. I'm genuinely worried for my daughter. What can I do?

Ruby at 02.09.2024 21:30:48

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Hi! My little family recently moved to Finland in January 2023. My family is me, my partner, our almost 2 year old, and my oldest son - from my previous relationship, who just turned 5. My ex-husband, the father of my first born, was completely OK with the move and we have documentation of all of this. My oldest son has been to visit his father in France in June 2023, I flew with him (and flew back the same day) - and the same to pick him up again. All went very smoothly, and I explained the ins-and-outs of next time, when he will fly as an unaccompanied minor. His father would like him to visit again in the next month or two. His father and I cannot agree on the following 2 things, which is why I'd like other parents feedback. Son can fly accompanied to France, with his passport. However, I refuse to give my son (and therefore his father in France) the passport, in the fear that the father may switch the passport for the French ID card on his return to Finland. His father refuses to send his ID card by post so that he can travel to and from Finland. He likes to keep son's ID card as a 'memorabilia', and does not want me to have it. The reason I do not trust son's father with the passport, is because, when I left him when our son was a baby, the father held on to the passport for 3 years, refused to hand it over - thus meaning I could not see any of my family for 3 years, as my son had no travel document (my family lives all over the world). I even went to court to obtain the passport, and the judges ordered the father to hand the passport over, including the ID card. Despite the paperwork, he only handed over the passport. Police did not help as legally the father has a 'right' to have the passport in his possession as a legal guardian. Context: with ID card, the person can only travel in Europe. With passport, the person can travel internationally. Thus, if the father keeps his passport hostage again... you get my drift... Father says he now holds no grudges, and 'will' send son back to Finland with his passport, but I just do not trust him. Any experiences with this sort of thing?

Liselotte Peterson at 22.09.2023 13:15:10

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Our divorce states I am to pay for a % of direct transportation to and from our homes. Am I obligated pay for the full cost of if my ex drives cross country on a road trip to return our kids. Also, if he decides to purchase 1st class tickets am I required to pay the full amount?

NewCoParent at 18.07.2023 13:34:32

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I just found out that my x's live in boyfriend took my daughter took to a Father/Daughter dance. This was done on a weekend that I do not have my children without my knowledge or consent. I found out from my daughter after the fact and subsequently got upset, leaving an awkward emotional situation the two of us. For context she is 9, and had no idea that this would hurt my feelings. I have no issue with the x's boyfriend trying to do something nice with my children to create a bond, but I felt this was truly over the line. Am I being selfish? I know I was intentionally left in the dark about this, and now I am outraged with the communication with my x getting derogatory. She doesn't get it and she never will, but I am not going to sit back and not let her know that this was disrespectful. That fact that this dude gets to see my own daughter every day, and thinks he then can steal special moments like that is pretty hard for me to swallow. Any thoughts or advice would be helpful.

Robert at 28.02.2023 18:50:11

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I live in the UK, I split from my wife back in November 2021 and I stayed living in the property until March 2022. In March, in order to makes things more bearable until the house sale goes though, I have moved out into my parents. We have 2 children aged 11 and 8. We have a 50/50 split of parental responsibility of the children, spending equal time with their mother as they do with me. Soon my house sale is going to complete and and I'm going to start divorce proceedings including getting a financial consent order. Since I left the matrimonial home, I have also paid her an amount in "Child Maintenance", which we used the "CSA" calculator to work out this number. Whilst I want to ensure that my kids have a roof over their head and are provided for, a few people have told that I don't legally have to pay anything to her as we both share that responsibility - if it's worth noting, she also gets 100% of the "Child Benefit" from the government which I don't see anything of anymore.

Andy at 05.10.2022 12:33:24

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I have two children who live 50/50 between two home. Ex moved out shortly after separation and moved out of the local area. Children remained being schooled in my local area where they have family and friends. Couple of years ago family Court decided on school choice in favour of them staying in the local area. Ex wasn't happy and stopped supporting kids with their extra curricular activities. Few months ago I applied to court for a CAO due to on going issues with the kids but plan was agreed so withdrew from court. But recently that plan has now been thrown out by Ex and kids have been told they will never get to go their activities when at ex's house. Kids are very upset about this and feel let down and even saying they don't want to stay at Ex house as much. What can I do as discussing this with Ex is impossible due to controlling and coercive behaviour?

Mr T at 08.01.2022 9:30:23

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My son is being left in the care of my ex partners new boyfriend's parents.. I'm not happy about this as I know nothing about them. Does she need my permission?

Andi at 15.07.2021 12:10:41

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I’m worried about telling my children that we’re getting divorced, they are so little. I don’t know how to explain it to them?

unknown at 05.10.2017 8:03:04

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How do I work out how much child maintenance I should be getting from my ex?

DWG at 05.01.2018 8:02:58

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When my wife worked abroad, she met a man who eventually became her lover. Due to that, we broke up. She filed a divorce which will be granted soon. But that is not the problem here. It’s about her taking my son, Mike, away from me. I understand that when the parents got divorced, the kids should at least be at the mother’s jurisdiction. However, this is not how it goes here. She said they will be moving to a foreign country soon and she won’t tell me where exactly. My concern is, I have to know so that I can visit my son anytime I want. She did not seem to understand it that way. She literally wants me to cut off the tie with my son, which is not right. I would never agree to that. Can we not let our son decide whom he wants to stay with? Mike just turned 12 and old enough to decide on his own.

FatherGrant at 05.08.2018 8:02:10

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