Advice forum

We separated over the summer and have been slowly working through the practical stuff since then. On the surface everything looks calm and fairly amicable, but one thing I didn’t expect to struggle with so much is telling people we’re actually getting divorced. Close friends know, our families know, but beyond that I keep finding ways to avoid the conversation. Work colleagues still ask how my ex is. School parents assume we’re just “having a rough patch”. Even when people mean well, I freeze when they ask questions and end up minimising it or changing the subject. Part of it is not wanting to deal with the reactions or the awkward sympathy. Part of it is that saying it out loud makes it feel more real and final than I’m ready for. I also worry about being judged, even though I know logically that happens less than we imagine. Has anyone else found this strangely hard? How did you decide who to tell, and when? Or did you just let people figure it out over time?

Lilypad at 28.01.2026 9:51:25

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Just doing a bit of a check-in with the community. Some weeks feel heavier than others, especially when you’re in the middle of practical stuff like forms, finances, or waiting on someone else to respond. How are things feeling for you right now, good, bad, or somewhere in between?

Mahalia from amicable at 26.01.2026 15:39:36

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It’s rarely what we expect. Was there anything that caught you off guard, in a good way or a hard one?

Jade from amicable at 23.01.2026 17:52:56

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We agreed to divorce last summer and things moved along fairly smoothly at first. Then just before christmas my ex said they wanted to pause everything. Not stop, just “pause and breathe”. I don’t feel the same. I’ve done a lot of emotional work to get to this point and going backwards feels really unsettling. At the same time, i don’t want to be cruel or pushy. Has anyone else had an ex ask to slow things down when you were ready to move forward? How did you handle it without things getting messy or resentful?

EmmyB at 23.01.2026 9:26:46

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My wife and i have been together 23 years, married for 18. No big drama, no affair, just slowly grew apart. Saying that out loud still feels strange. What’s overwhelming me is how tangled everything is. House, pensions, savings, even friendships. It feels less like a breakup and more like unpicking a whole life. People keep saying “at least it’s amicable” which i know is meant kindly, but it doesn’t make it easier to face starting again in my late 40s. If anyone else separated after a long marriage, how did you even begin to get your head around it all?

Northsea at 22.01.2026 10:57:12

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hi all, It’s a couple of weeks into the new year and i’m feeling a bit stuck. the new year’s motivation lasted about 5 days and now it’s just paperwork and kids back at school. I’ve got piles of divorce paperwork and life admin everywhere - bank forms, insurance stuff, pension things - and as soon as i tick one off another pops up. i’d like to start doing a few things just for me too, like getting some exercise, cooking meals i actually like, maybe even starting a small hobby, but i keep putting it off cos there’s so much admin and i feel guilty taking time for myself. has anyone else felt like this in jan? how did you get going without burning out or feeling selfish? any tips for balancing paperwork, co-parenting, and trying to rebuild a bit of normal life would be really helpful.

Raindrop at 13.01.2026 13:18:00

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Any tips around feeling a bit better after Christmas? I had a really lovely Christmas, my family and friends really helped me and made a big effort to make me feeling better during my first Christmas after separation. Now everything has calmed down, starting to feel a bit down honestly. Any advice on starting the new year feeling optimistic?

SeaSalt at 30.12.2025 11:45:17

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So I'm a dad and husband with combined ASD and ADHD (AuDHD). Essentially, I'm late diagnosed but it's years too late as the damage of unchecked behaviours and thinking I can change for my wife has lead to disappointment and broken promises, odd behaviours, hiding truths, forgetfulness, emotional disregulatuon etc. And all this whilst also trying to bring up 2 awesome children. My wife is set on divorce and wants out, she has stated her position saying if she knew I was AuDHD to begin with we wouldn't be together. I dont want a divorce, I still love her but I fear my understanding of my limitations is too late. Has anyone else been through anything like this and can suggest either a route to help or at least make things better on my kids?

AuDHD-Dad at 23.12.2025 2:56:06

446

i’ve already started the divorce process, forms sent, money spent, all that admin, and i cant shake the feeling maybe i should have tried harder. couples therapy, counselling, actually talking things through, giving it one last proper shot before ending it. the thing is, i’m still in love with her. part of me feels like i’ve rushed, or given up too soon and it’s gutting. has anyone else been here, feeling regret after the process has already begun? how did you deal with the mix of love and loss and the feeling maybe you didnt fight hard enough? would really appreciate hearing from anyone whos been through this

BobbyB at 22.12.2025 16:01:04

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i'm not spending christmas day with my kids this year any advice that would help make the day feel any better?

JMP at 22.12.2025 12:39:16

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The holiday season can be intense, and even as we enjoy the festivities, it’s normal for emotions to run high. Thinking ahead to the new year, it can be really helpful to pause and reflect on what truly matters and how we want to move forward. On **Tuesday 6th January at 12pm**, Mindfulness and Mental Fitness Coach Solomon Slade will be running a live, interactive session called *Clarity: See what truly matters*. This session is all about slowing down, turning insights from the season into wisdom for the year ahead, and learning to navigate life with presence, self-knowledge, and patience. There’ll be some interactive elements, so you can ask questions or share how you feel as things come up. I’m curious, what’s one thing you’d like to focus on or carry into the new year? Sign up for Solomon's next session here - [https://amicable.space/webinar/clarity-see-what-truly-matters](https://amicable.space/webinar/clarity-see-what-truly-matters)

Mahalia from amicable at 19.12.2025 10:21:28

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I wasn’t expecting the friendship side of separation to hit this hard. Since we split, a few of our mutual friends have pretty much disappeared from my life. No arguments, no big fallouts, just… silence. They still see my ex, go to things he’s at, message him, all that. But with me it’s like I dropped off the map. I know no one is “obliged” to pick me, and I’m not trying to make people choose sides, but it stings. Some of these friends were at our wedding. Some I thought were mine as much as his. I keep wondering if I did something wrong or if people just don’t know what to say. Has anyone else had this happen? Do friendships settle again eventually, or do you just have to accept that some people drift off after a breakup? Would really appreciate hearing how others dealt with the weird social fallout.

LemonTree at 12.12.2025 14:43:19

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I just need to put this somewhere and maybe hear from people who understand because I’m feeling really all over the place. I left my husband earlier this year after being unhappy for a long time. Our marriage had a lot of toxic patterns, and since splitting, it’s been a mix of relief and exhaustion. We have a 12-year-old daughter, who mostly lives with me, but still has a room and her things at the old house. The difficult bit is that he has a new girlfriend, and she’s going to be staying at our old house this weekend. He asked me to let him know if our daughter needs anything from there so she can be around. I don’t love him anymore, but I’m feeling sad, anxious, and… honestly jealous, even though I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself. I think part of it is feeling protective of my daughter and worried about another “mum figure” entering her life. Part of it is also the old home itself - it’s full of memories, and imagining someone else there makes me ache. On top of that, he seems more confident and put together than he ever did with me while we were together, and that just stings. Am I being ridiculous for feeling like this? Is it normal to be upset about your ex’s new partner being in the house you shared? Would really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through something similar.

SeaGlass at 27.11.2025 10:54:23

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Hindsight can be so insightful. Looking back, what do you wish you’d known or done differently at the start of your separation? Your experience might be exactly what someone else here needs to hear today.

Jade from amicable at 26.11.2025 10:01:11

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We’re going through what most people would call an amicable split. There’s no fighting, no resentment, no big betrayal. We still talk kindly, still check in on each other, still care about each other. It’s probably the healthiest our communication has been in years. And yet… I feel heartbroken in a way I didn’t expect. I think I assumed that doing it kindly would soften the blow, but instead it feels like the grief hits harder because the love is still there, just in the wrong shape. We both know we’re not right for each other anymore, but there’s still this deep care that makes the whole thing ache. It’s confusing too. How do you mourn something while still having warmth between you? How do you find the line between being supportive and holding on too much? It’s like trying to walk forward but looking back every few steps. Has anyone else been through this kind of “painful but kind” separation? Does it get less confusing with time? Would really appreciate hearing how others have navigated this emotional grey zone.

PotteryP at 26.11.2025 9:12:26

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I’m finding the emotional side of this divorce harder than I expected. I don’t have much family around and most of the friends we had were originally his. They’ve been polite, but it’s clear their loyalty sits with him, so I don’t feel able to talk to them about anything real. I’ve tried reaching out to a couple of acquaintances but it feels awkward, like I’m suddenly asking too much. I hate feeling like a burden. The days just feel long and heavy, and I worry that I’m going to get swallowed up by the loneliness of it all. I know people say to build a support system, but I honestly don’t know where to start. When everything feels raw and messy, how do you make new connections or find emotional support? If anyone’s been through this kind of isolation during divorce, I’d really appreciate hearing how you found people to talk to, or what helped you feel less alone.

Fern at 26.11.2025 8:01:02

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Hi all, I’m in the middle of separating and I’ve been finding it really tricky to handle everyone’s opinions. Friends and family mean well, but sometimes it feels like everyone has advice or a strong opinion on what I should do, and it’s just overwhelming. Has anyone else felt like this? How do you manage communicating with people without getting drained or caught up in arguments? I want support, not more stress, but I’m not sure how to set boundaries or explain what I need without hurting anyone. Would really appreciate hearing how other people navigate this. Thanks.

KitKat12 at 24.11.2025 11:36:56

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We often talk about having an 'amicable' or 'good' divorce, but what does that actually mean? Is it about communication, kindness, freedom, closure, or something else completely? I’d love to hear your thoughts on what makes a separation feel healthy and fair for everyone involved. The more we talk about it, the more we understand better ways forward.

Jade from amicable at 19.11.2025 10:45:25

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Seriously, how do people deal with all the ups and downs? One minute I’m fine, next I’m crying over nothing. Anyone got tips for keeping it together during all this madness?

Fizz at 15.11.2025 16:01:02

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We all have those really tough days during separation. Days that feel especially heavy. If you’ve been through it, what helped you get through those moments? And what would you say to someone who’s just starting their journey and might need a little hope or guidance right now? Sharing is caring

Jade from amicable at 10.11.2025 11:14:27

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how do people usually cope with the emotional rollercoaster of a divorce? can anyone else share their experience of how they felt throughout the process? and how long does it take to get back to some kind of normal after everything’s been turned upside down?

Pennyfarthing at 01.11.2025 13:14:57

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Currently in the process of divorce, it's really starting to take an emotional toll on me and my friends and family aren't in the same situation so as much as they try, they don't really understand what it's like going through this. Is there anywhere to access support from people who understand how hard this process is?

SHJ at 16.10.2025 19:43:02

445

The past couple of years have brought a lot of challenges, including a difficult breakup/divorce. I keep trying to move forward, but just when I start to feel steady, it feels like everything crashes down again. I know I’m carrying a lot of emotions. Part of me doesn't want to share them either because I worry people won’t understand, or I don’t want to weigh anyone else down. Instead, I end up keeping it all inside, which usually leads to periods of isolation and overwhelm. It’s like each setback hits harder than the one before. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you manage to break the cycle and find a healthier way to process your emotions? Any advice or perspective would mean a lot.

M.S at 30.09.2025 8:00:52

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How do people generally cope with the emotional side of a divorce? What are some ways to handle the rollercoaster of feelings that can come up?

QuantumJester92 at 26.09.2025 11:33:11

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Hi, Has anyone’s spouse ever become suicidal after you’ve said that you want a divorce? Would you stay in the relationship to keep them safe? If not, how would you handle the guilt of causing these feelings?

Sarah at 14.10.2024 11:55:29

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Hi, My wife and I are at the finances stage. She doesn't want to move on and is dragging out the process and making it hard on everyone. She has contacted 2-3 lawyers at this point. What can I do so that she accepts the situation? If it doesn't change and she still doesn't want to move on anything, how long until I contact a lawyer myself? Thanks M

Mike at 05.04.2024 9:08:39

2830

Im divorced now 2yrs and remarried a loving man but i dont know why my x wanted a divorce and i cant free myself of this and i want to move on 100% but cant

Mandy at 13.10.2023 10:24:22

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My wife wants a divorce. There have been problems, fights, arguments, with both of us responsible. But, now that it's out in the open, I truly believe that we can fix it. Despite all the bad stuff, there's amazing good stuff too: amazing camaraderie, friendship, teamwork when it comes to the kids and other stuff. Maybe I'm just kidding myself.

Sad bunny at 28.02.2023 7:30:30

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I am sad for my marriage please help me to get a divorce

Manav at 13.01.2023 19:26:18

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We have been married for 14 years, I requested the divorce in Nov 2019 and after reading the article of "how to divorce" i realize i am emotionally more ahead than my husband. I realize I am guilty of pressuring him to start making decisions as i am becoming impatient and want us to start planning for the kids future and life ahead. But how much time do i give him? We currently still living together and started divorce mediation but we have not told our children or extended family/friends as we decided only to tell once we agreed on the living arrangement, parenting plan and divorce settlement in order to have clear direction when we break the news. We have 2 children aged 4 and 7 years. I can see it is emotionally hard for my husband and i dont know how to support him. I have suggested he see a counsellor but he chooses not to and he doesnt have any close friends or family he can talk to. So what do I do? I tried only communicating via email to avoid confrontation but i dont receive any response to the emails. When i ask for a meeting to discuss matters he tells i am taking away time spent with the kids. I am at a lost and really just want to be able to have amicable relationship with him in order to co-parent but i am starting to feel it is not going to be possible as its is becoming more difficult to communicate with my husband about any topic.

Nazlie at 17.01.2020 8:15:18

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One afternoon, I was cooking a foreign cuisine for lunch when my wife called me from our room. I stood up and headed to her while leaving my phone at the couch. The moment I stepped inside the room, I heard her sobs and I wonder why. I stepped closer, sat beside her and wiped her tears away. I asked her why but she just shook her head. I let her cry in my shoulders until she felt relaxed. Few minutes after, she started talking. I faced her as she tried to gain composure. I asked her what happened and she said she wants a divorce. I wasn’t able to respond. My eyes went wide. I asked why. She said she doesn’t love me anymore. I told her that whatever problem we had can still be fixed and that divorce is not a solution. I told her how much I love her but she seemed deaf to my words. It seemed like her decision was final. She stood up and said, “Please make it happen.” I didn’t know what to think when she said those words. I love her but she’s not happy with me anymore. Should I let her go or maybe try to work this out? How could she end our marriage that easy?

brandon at 05.08.2018 8:02:09

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