Divorce and separation guidance for mothers

Divorce or separation as a Mum can be an emotionally challenging and complex journey. Balancing legal and financial considerations with your own wellbeing and the needs of your children can feel overwhelming. Whether you're initiating the separation or responding to a partner's decision, understanding your rights and exploring practical advice can help you put your children first and take the next steps with confidence.

This guide is designed to provide separation advice for Mums – you can find plenty of similar resources for Dads elsewhere on our blog. We’ll share compassionate and practical insights to support you through this transition. From understanding the best way to decide children arrangements to knowing your financial priorities, we aim to give you the knowledge you need to make informed decisions for yourself and your children.

With the right divorce guidance for mothers, you can start a fresh chapter for your family while looking after your wellbeing and finances.

Three key concerns for Mums during divorce

As a Mum going through divorce or separation, there are three key areas to focus on: parental responsibility and child arrangements, finances and emotional support.

Parental responsibility and child arrangements

Custody doesn’t exist in England and Wales like it does in other countries. Here we refer to parental responsibility and child arrangements, and they’ll likely be very important to you as a Mum.

As a Mum, you automatically have parental responsibility for your child from birth. Fathers also have parental responsibility if they are married to the child's mother when the child was born, or if they’re on their birth certificate.

Your child arrangements can either be sole or joint. Sole child arrangements mean that one parent has primary responsibility for the child, while joint arrangements ensure both parents play active roles in decision-making and caregiving.

For joint caregivers, you don’t need to go through the courts to make effective child arrangements. In fact, this should be your last resort. In England and Wales, the ‘no order’ principle means that the court doesn’t like making arrangements for children. They’ll only do so if it’s necessary and in the child’s best interest.

Even if both parents would like an order, there is no guarantee the court will grant one. This can also be a costly option, as it’s likely you’ll have to change your arrangements as your children grow up – and pay to involve the court each time.

Many couples choose to make arrangements between themselves. These can then be reviewed and amended as many times as is needed. Plus, agreeing your arrangements as co-parents creates a healthier atmosphere for your children in the long term.

We work with couples to help them make arrangements outside of the court as part of our Separating with Children Service. We recognise that each family is unique. What works for one family may not work for you. Our experts provide insight and guidance based on your individual circumstances, helping you make the right choices for you and your family. Book a free 15-minute advice consultation to learn if this is the right option for you.

Financial considerations

Financial security – now and for the future – will be a concern during separation, especially for families.

Protect your future finances

To protect each other and your family, it’s normally recommended that you get something called a consent order. This is a legal document that formalises how you’ve separated your finances, plus any other financial arrangements you put in place after divorce.

You don’t need to go to court to get a consent order. A legal services specialist, like amicable, can work with you together as a couple to prepare your consent order. Our experts also manage the whole court process and handle all court correspondence on your behalf.

Read our blog on how to end your financial relationship with your ex-partner for more information.

A fair financial split

When it comes to splitting your money and property, there’s no defined formula, but the normal starting point is 50/50. While coming to your agreement, consider your housing needs, future income and retirement funds.

Child maintenance payments

Where there’s an imbalance in childcare responsibilities, child maintenance payments ensure that both parents are contributing to your child's living expenses and needs. Child maintenance is usually a regular payment to the parent who cares for the child most of the time. The amount is typically calculated based on the paying parent's income and the child’s needs.

Read our comprehensive guide to child maintenance for more information.

Agreeing all of the above can be tricky. Doing so through our negotiation services, mediation or another non-court alternative will save you money and reduce the emotional toll on you and your family.

Emotional support and resources

A network of supportive family and friends is key at this time. As part of our campaign to help couples divorce in a kinder way, we created a guide to help friends and family support you better at this time.

Local support groups and online forums can also offer practical assistance, empathy and encouragement at this time. You can get your questions answered via our online forum.

Want to listen to others’ experiences? amicable co-founder Kate Daly hosts The Divorce Podcast where experts share their personal stories of divorce and separation, as well as tips to help you navigate the financial, legal and emotional challenges.

How to prepare for divorce as a Mum

Preparing for divorce as a Mum requires thoughtful planning to protect your family’s future and minimise stress during the transition. Financial preparation is crucial. Start by assessing your current financial situation by gathering documents like bank statements, tax returns and property records and creating a budget to take into account any post-divorce expenses.

On the legal front, getting expert help can help you understand your next steps and options. If you have assets – such as savings, property or pensions – you’ll need to come to an agreement on how to split them fairly between you.

You can speak to an amicable Divorce or Separation Specialist for free to get your questions answered.

Divorce tips for Mums

1. Prioritise your children’s needs

During a divorce, it’s natural to want to prioritise your children’s needs. Help them navigate this challenging time by maintaining open communication, reassuring them of your love and providing stability through consistent routines and boundaries.

When making decisions about living arrangements or schooling, try to always consider what’s best for your children rather than your personal relationship with your ex-partner.

2. Seek expert advice

Consulting with a family lawyer or divorce specialist can help you navigate complex legal matters, such as child arrangements and how to split your personal and joint money and property fairly.

An experienced legal expert can make sure you’ve considered all your options and help you make informed decisions that are right for your family. They can also advise you if the court is likely to approve your financial settlement.

Need help agreeing your child arrangements or financial settlement? Get in touch for a free 15-minute advice consultation with one of our experts. They’ll explain your next steps and all your options when it comes to getting the right legal help for your situation.

3. Keep communication civil

When children are involved in the divorce process, an amicable separation is even more important. While you and your ex-partner are separating, you remain parents, and agreeing your child arrangements together gives you the best chance of sticking to them and providing the stability and security your children need to thrive.

Your children will also look to you as role models more than ever during this time. Communicating in a calm and thought-out manner will make all the difference to your child’s development.

4. Focus on self-care

Divorce is emotionally and physically demanding, making self-care more important than ever. Take time to prioritise your mental and physical health by doing things that bring you peace and joy. This might include exercising, spending time with supportive friends and family or rediscovering an old hobby.

Lots of parents need some extra help dealing with the emotional impact of their separation or divorce. BetterHelp offer affordable, convenient therapy if you’re struggling right now.

5. Stay organised

The divorce process can involve managing a large amount of paperwork, appointments and deadlines. Keeping track of important documents, such as financial statements and legal correspondence, is essential.

Consider creating a dedicated folder or using digital tools to stay organised and ensure nothing slips through the cracks.

As part of our divorce and separation services, our amicable experts can handle all the legal paperwork and court correspondance on your behalf. Use our handy online tool to find out if we have a service that can help you.

Navigate separation with empathetic, expert guidance

At amicable, we specialise in providing expert guidance to couples. Whether you're looking for support with legal processes or co-parenting strategies, or simply need advice on how to get started, our team is here to help. On top of their legal expertise, all our specialists are specially trained to support you emotionally at this time

We’ll help you to make informed decisions and achieve a positive outcome for you and your family. Contact us at amicable today to find out how we can support you.