List of co-parenting boundaries to set for your children

Co-parenting after a separation or divorce can be challenging, especially if different parenting styles or poor communication were among the reasons for your separation. Setting clear boundaries is one of the important ways that you and your ex-partner can create a stable and supportive environment for your children while living apart. Boundaries also help parents navigate their new roles as co-parents – they help reduce conflict, encourage clear, respectful communication and prioritise the wellbeing of your children despite your differences.

This guide will explore the importance of co-parenting boundaries, provide actionable tips and answer your most commonly asked questions to help you cooperate as co-parents and create consistency between households for your children.

What are co-parenting boundaries?

Co-parenting boundaries are clear rules or agreements between separated or divorced parents to ensure they create a stable, supportive environment for their children. These boundaries help parents manage communication, decision-making and everyday interactions without letting personal conflicts get in the way of their parenting responsibilities.

Setting and respecting boundaries ensures children thrive emotionally, mentally and socially despite the changes in their family structure.

Agreeing on a set of co-parenting boundaries can be tricky, as can maintaining these over time as your children's needs change. Professional help can be really useful in the early stages of your separation or when challenges arise later down the line.

Our Separating with Children Service offers 90-minute sessions with a Co-parenting Specialist to help you make family agreements that work for everyone.

10 co-parenting boundaries to follow

1. Communicate respectfully

Effective communication is the cornerstone of successful co-parenting. To maintain a positive relationship and prioritise your child's wellbeing, keep conversations with your co-parent respectful, free of blame and focused on your child’s needs. This means avoiding accusatory language, rehashing past disagreements or bringing personal issues into discussions.

Use neutral and cooperative language to ensure that discussions remain productive. For example, phrases like ‘How can we best support [child’s name] in this situation?’ or ‘Let’s find a solution that works for all of us’ can boost collaboration.

2. Avoid discussing adult issues with your children

Children should never feel burdened by the complexities of their parents' disagreements or personal challenges. Sharing details about your financial concerns, personal disagreements or parenting dilemmas not only places stress on your children – it can also cause confusion, anxiety or guilt. For example, a child might feel torn between parents or pressured to take sides if involved in conversations about how you resent or disagree with your ex-partner.

Instead, focus on having conversations with your children that make them feel secure and loved. If your child asks questions about changes to their family dynamic, provide simple and reassuring explanations without delving into details that could make them feel overwhelmed. Remember, children need to be children, they should not bear the weight of adult problems or feel responsible for solving them.

3. Stick to your parenting plan

Sticking to a jointly agreed parenting plan is vital for creating consistency and stability for your child. A parenting plan serves as a roadmap, outlining responsibilities, schedules and expectations for both parents. Following it closely helps children feel secure, knowing that their routines and relationships are being prioritised, even when living in two separate homes.

All parenting plans will need to be amended and adapted over time as your child grows older and their needs change. Review your plan in advance where possible and approach these discussions with flexibility.

Need help adjusting your parenting arrangements now your child is older? Our Co-parenting Specialists can help.

4. Respect each other's household rules

Rules in each household may differ and that’s ok. It’s important to respect your co-parent’s choices and parenting style. Children are adaptable and can learn to follow different guidelines in each home, as long as the rules are consistent within that environment. Criticising or undermining the other parent’s household rules in front of your child can create confusion and stress.

However, it is helpful to discuss differences between your household rules and agree on any that you think are important. A consistent bedtime may be something you feel strongly is right for your child. You can agree to your joint guidelines as part of your parenting plan.

Get started with your parenting plan by downloading our comprehensive guide and template.

5. Don’t speak negatively of the other parent

Refrain from making critical comments about your co-parent in front of your child, even when emotions are running high. Children often see themselves as a reflection of both parents, so hearing one parent criticised can lead to feelings of confusion, self-doubt or even guilt for loving both parents.

Negative comments can also create loyalty conflicts, where a child feels they must choose sides, potentially damaging their emotional wellbeing and long-term relationship with both parents.

If you need to vent frustrations, confide in a trusted friend, therapist or support group, never your child. When tensions are high between you and your ex-partner, try to move out of earshot of your children to deal with your disagreement.

6. Keep each other in the loop

To make sure that your child’s day-to-day life runs smoothly while living in two separate houses, it’s important that both co-parents make an effort to stick to agreed timings or let each other know of any changes to the plan.

Other logistical details such as what clothing or equipment may be required for school or home activities should also be shared to avoid stress for your child or tension between you as co-parents.

An organisational app can help you keep track of your arrangements, such as drop-offs and pick-ups, and keep all your co-parenting communication in one place. Try the amicable co-parenting app, built by co-parents for co-parents.

7. Be flexible

Being flexible with your co-parent when challenges arise shows a willingness to cooperate. While sticking to a parenting schedule is important for consistency, a rigid approach can lead to unnecessary tension.

Flexibility allows both parents to accommodate each other’s responsibilities and commitments. It also ensures you are always putting your child first. For example, illness may mean you need to change their overnight schedule for one week.This also sets a good example for your child, demonstrating compromise and teamwork.

8. Make clear financial commitments

Financial disagreements are one of the most common sources of conflict in co-parenting. To avoid misunderstandings and ensure your child’s needs are met, it’s best to clearly define financial responsibilities from the outset. This includes agreeing how you will pay for food, clothing, school resources, medical care, extracurricular activities and any other expenses that contribute to your child’s wellbeing.

Having a transparent discussion about financial contributions can help prevent future disagreements. Make it clear who will cover what, whether this means splitting costs equally, alternating payments or another arrangement that works for you.

Put these agreements in writing as part of your parenting plan to provide clarity and accountability.

9. Encourage relationships with extended family

Your children will benefit from having strong relationships with both of you, as well as your extended families. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins can give additional support, love a sense of identity and offer different perspectives as your children grow up.

Encouraging these bonds means allowing your child to spend time with extended family members on both sides, even if you have personal differences with them.

Encouraging your child to feel part of this larger support network can boost their emotional wellbeing and resilience.

10. Seek help

When you can’t overcome disagreements yourselves, it’s important to recognise that outside support is needed. Professional mediation or counselling can provide a neutral environment where both parents can communicate openly and work toward solutions that prioritise the best interests of their child.

Mediators are trained to facilitate discussions, helping parents navigate complex issues such as financial arrangements and parenting approaches.

Counselling can address deeper emotional challenges that might be affecting the co-parenting relationship.

At amicable, our Separating with Children Service is unique. In our sessions we give parents the tools they need to solve problems together and build a healthy, resilient co-parenting relationship. Our approach prioritises your childrens’ wellbeing, ensuring they have a strong relationship with both their parents – now and in the future.

Why are co-parenting boundaries important?

Co-parenting boundaries create a safe and stable environment for your children post-separation. They reduce stress for all, encourage mutual respect between co-parents, and protect children from parental conflict. Clear boundaries also help children adapt more easily to the new family dynamic, as they see their parents working together to meet their needs. Ultimately, boundaries make sure that decisions and actions always put your child’s best interests first.

Co-parenting boundaries FAQs

What if my co-parent refuses to respect our boundaries?

If your co-parent does not adhere to your agreed boundaries, calmly address the issue and explain how their actions are affecting your child. If the problem continues, seek professional help to help you maintain these boundaries in the long term.

What if one parent frequently changes the agreed schedule?

If schedule changes become a pattern, address it in a non-confrontational way. Highlight the importance of consistency for your child. If this doesn’t help, consider revisiting your parenting plan with an expert to establish an agreement you can both stick to.

When should we seek professional help for co-parenting issues?

If communication breaks down or you’re arguing often, professional help can provide invaluable support. At amicable, our Co-parenting Specialists will help you explore and overcome your co-parenting difficulties as part of our Separating with Children service.