Six ways to show your child you love them as separated parents

Supporting your child emotionally when you separate and divorce is one of the best things you can do as parents. It’s important that your children understand that you’ll always remain their loving parents, whether you live together or apart. Showing your unconditional love and care can make a real difference to how they process the news and any changes to their daily routine as the divorce progresses.

If you’ve already told your children you're separating and want to know how to help them process their emotions, this blog is for you. Read on for expert tips on how to show your children you love them – and what to do if they’re struggling.

If you’re yet to share your news, read our advice on how to tell your children you’re separating.

Six ways to show your children love during and after separation

1. Listen to them

How often do you ask your kids how their day at school was? And how often do you really listen to the answer? We’re all guilty of it – parenting, work, your separation and any amount of other daily tasks or stresses can distract us from really listening to our kids.

Quality conversations can help you keep tabs on their mood and wellbeing too, which means you’re more likely to notice if they’re struggling. Make sure your phone isn’t buzzing nearby and turn off distractions from the television or radio to give your child your full attention.

2. Give them a cuddle

Physical affection can be just as powerful, if not more powerful, than reassuring words and saying ‘I love you’. All children are different and you know yours best. Even if hugs and cuddles aren’t something you usually do anymore, this might be a good time to show them you care in a different way.

But if you really think that this won’t go down well, think about other ways to physically share your love for them. You could cook their favourite meal as a surprise, tidy their room (if they usually do this themselves!) or give them a card with a meaningful, handwritten message.

3. Eat meals together

It may not be possible every day of the week and that’s ok, but sharing stories and a laugh over food is a great way to bring everyone together. You don’t have to make extra effort or take extra time. Keep it informal. Even an occasional breakfast sat down together is enough – whatever fits best into your family’s routine.

4. Plan one-on-one time

One-on-one time with your child can help you get to know each other. It may be harder to come by if you co-parent and have multiple children, but it’s worth making a conscious effort to make this happen when you can.

Time spent as just the two of you can really help your child to feel heard. It may also encourage them to open up to you about any worries or concerns they have about your separation.

5. Remind them of their strengths

We all love to feel valued and children are no different. Remind your children what makes them special and make sure you continue to praise them for their achievements and good behaviour, so they know you feel proud. With changes in their family structure, your children may naturally feel a little uncertain and insecure about the future. Building confidence in their identity is a good way to prevent this.

6. Have fun

Going through a divorce can cause stress and affect your mood – and your children are likely to pick up on this. And while it’s not realistic to be happy and positive all of the time, lean into your fun-loving side and have a joke with or play with your kids when you can.

Whether it’s trying something new together or revisiting a tried-and-tested activity, share your sense of humour with your children and you’ll both benefit from a little laughter and stress relief.

What should you do if your child is struggling emotionally?

Seek professional help

It can take children time to adjust to the news of your separation and divorce. Sometimes this can also lead to bigger changes in their lives and daily routines. They may have to move home or even move school and this can, over time, lead to anxiety or other mental health issues. You can read our blog on how to help toddlers adjust to life in separate homes or, if you have older children, we share strategies for helping teens with anxiety elsewhere on our website.

Seeking professional support shouldn’t be a last resort – it can really help children to have an uninvolved adult to talk to at this time. We’ve partnered with BetterHelp so you can access affordable, online therapy. Just complete their simple online form to find the right therapist for your child.

Make a parenting plan

It’s also important to consider how you’ll parent your children during and after your divorce and separation. Co-parenting is when parents share care and responsibility for their children after divorce and separation. This creates a stable, supportive environment for them, despite having two separate homes. You can read our blog on the benefits of co-parenting for more information.

Co-parenting starts with creating a parenting plan. You can download our free e-book to learn more and get started. Or book a free 15-minute advice consultation with one of our Co-parenting Specialists to understand how we can help you on your journey to co-parenting success.