How to help teens with anxiety when their parents are divorcing

Divorce or separation is a journey and can be a challenging experience for everyone involved. It can be particularly overwhelming for teenagers. At this crucial stage in their development, they’re already facing emotional, social and academic pressures. When you add the difficulties of parental separation into the mix, it’s common for teens to struggle with heightened anxiety.

As parents, helping your teen navigate these difficult emotions can be daunting. But understanding how you can help your teenager manage anxiety during your divorce and offering practical strategies can greatly improve their emotional wellbeing.

Why do teens experience anxiety during divorce or separation?

Divorce is a major life change, and for teenagers, it can trigger deep-seated fears and anxieties. Common worries include:

Fear of the unknown

Teenagers might worry about how their daily lives will change, whether they’ll need to move house or school, how they’ll maintain friendships and what their family dynamic will look like post-divorce.

Conflicts of loyalty

Teens often feel torn between their parents, leading to feelings of guilt and confusion about where their loyalties should lie.

Loss of stability

Adolescence is already a time of significant change, and divorce can make feelings of insecurity and instability even worse. Teens may struggle with the sense that their foundational support system isn’t there for them anymore.

These worries, combined with the emotional turmoil that comes with separation, can result in heightened anxiety, which might manifest as mood swings, irritability, withdrawal or even physical symptoms like headaches and sleep disturbances.

Eight practical strategies to support your anxious teen

1. Communicate openly

It’s essential to keep lines of communication open with your teenager. They need to feel heard, respected and reassured during this turbulent time.

Create a safe space where they can express their worries, fears and frustrations without fear of judgement or repercussions.

Take time to sit down and talk about what might work for your teenager when you’re not stressed, angry or going to be interrupted.

Be honest about what’s happening while remaining age-appropriate. Discuss living arrangements and listen to your teenagers’ opinions and thoughts with an open mind. Not only will this benefit your relationship, it will also help you do what’s best for them.

Teens value transparency and honesty, no matter how difficult it is. This can help reduce their anxiety by eliminating the fear of the unknown.

amicable offers a Separating with Children Service to help you put your family first as you navigate your separation or divorce as parents. You’ll get a 90-minute session with a Co-parenting Specialist, which you can use to plan how to tell your teenagers about your separation, or problem-solve any other specific issues.

2. Give regular reassurance

Reassurance plays a crucial role in helping your teen feel secure. Remind them that, despite the changes in your family structure, your love and support for them remain constant.

Emphasise that they’re not responsible for the divorce or separation and that their wellbeing is your top priority. Consistently offering this emotional support helps to anchor them during these uncertain times.

3. Encourage routine and stability

While life during and after a divorce may feel unpredictable, try to maintain as much routine as possible. Routines provide a sense of security and normalcy, which can help reduce anxiety.

Stick to established schedules for school, extracurricular activities and family time and continue to do this across separate households if possible. Where change is inevitable, involve your teen in discussions so they feel more in control and better prepared for what’s to come.

4. Be mindful of their boundaries

Teenagers often crave independence, and while they need support, they might also be resistant to big displays of concern. Respect their boundaries by being available without being intrusive.

Let them know you’re there for them whenever they want to talk, but also give them the space to process things in their own way.

5. Monitor their mental health

Keep an eye out for signs of severe anxiety or depression. While it’s natural for teens to be upset during this time, prolonged or extreme behaviour changes could indicate they need extra support.

Symptoms like persistent sadness, withdrawal from friends and activities, significant changes in sleep or appetite or talk of hopelessness may be warning signs. If you notice these signs, consider seeking professional help from a therapist who specialises in adolescent mental health.

Read our blog for more on signs that your teen is struggling to cope with your separation.

Through BetterHelp you can find the right therapist for your teenager and situation. Just complete their simple online form to access convenient, affordable therapy.

6. Avoid putting them in the middle

One of the biggest sources of anxiety for teens during divorce is feeling caught between their parents. Avoid asking your child to take sides or to act as a messenger between you and your ex-partner.

Encourage them to maintain healthy relationships with both parents, free from loyalty conflicts. One of the hardest parts of being a divorced parent is encouraging your children to spend time with your ex-partner, especially if they don’t want to. But helping your children have a positive relationship with both parents will benefit them throughout their life and help minimise any stress or guilt that may be contributing to their anxiety.

Our Separating with Children Service provides 90-minute sessions with a co-parenting specialist. This is a great opportunity to work with your ex-partner to help them connect with both parents.

7. Co-parent with consistency

Effective teen co-parenting is key to helping them feel secure. Try to maintain consistent rules, routines and expectations across both households. When teens know what to expect from each parent, they feel more grounded.

Regular communication between co-parents about important matters like school, health and social activities can also reduce misunderstandings and create a more stable environment. Read more about the do’s and don’ts of co-parenting on our blog.

To help keep your communication clear and consistent with your ex, consider using the amicable co-parenting app. When you sign up, you’ll get a 30-day free trial. Features include a shared calendar, goal-setting and a secure messenger, making parenting apart easier for your whole family.

8. Empower them with coping strategies

Teach your teenager healthy ways to cope with anxiety. Techniques like deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, journaling or engaging in creative hobbies can be powerful tools for managing stress.

Encourage them to stay physically active and maintain social connections, both of which are proven to reduce anxiety. Helping them develop a toolkit of coping strategies gives them a sense of control over their emotions.

Where to seek expert help

Helping a teenager manage anxiety during a divorce is challenging, but with the right support, they can emerge stronger and more resilient. By maintaining open communication, providing reassurance, and respecting their boundaries, you create an environment where they feel safe to express their emotions and learn healthy coping mechanisms.

Every teen is different, so be patient and flexible as you guide them through this transition, keeping their mental wellbeing at the forefront. But if you are worried about your teenager’s behaviour or you think your divorce is negatively affecting them, it’s important to seek help such as therapy, counselling or medical advice.

Remember, it’s okay to seek outside support – both for your teen and yourself – as you all navigate this new chapter together.

amicable is here to guide you through this journey. Our Separating with Children Service offers 90-minute joint sessions with a Co-parenting Specialist to help you work through any element of your practical co-parenting arrangements or more emotional co-parenting issues. Our unique family-centred legal and financial services will also ensure that your divorce or separation is as compassionate as possible. Discover the right service for you.

Supporting teen anxiety during divorce or separation FAQs

My teen is shutting down and refuses to talk. How can I support them?

It’s not uncommon for teens to withdraw during difficult times, especially when they feel overwhelmed. Start by respecting their need for space, but gently remind them that you’re available whenever they’re ready to talk. Sometimes, indirect conversations like chatting while driving or during an activity can feel less confrontational and encourage them – and you – to open up. If the silence persists and you’re worried, consider involving your GP or a therapist who specialises in teenage mental health. They can offer a neutral space for your teen to explore their feelings.

What if my teen blames me for the divorce?

Blame is a natural reaction as teens try to make sense of their emotions. It’s important not to take it personally, even though it can be painful. Acknowledge and validate their feelings without getting defensive and focus on helping them understand that the divorce was a mutual decision based on adult issues. Reiterate that the divorce is not their fault, and continue to express your unconditional love and support. As they process the situation, their feelings of blame are likely to ease over time.

How can I help my teen feel more comfortable with the new family arrangements?

Involve your teen in decisions that affect them, like setting up their room in a new home or planning a shared care schedule. Give them a sense of agency by letting them voice their preferences and concerns. Keep communication open and be patient if your teenage children struggle to adjust at first. Familiar routines, like regular family dinners or weekend activities, can provide consistency amongst the changes and help them feel more safe and secure.