Divorce regret: How to move forward and find peace after divorce

Going through a divorce is a major life change. Even when ending your relationship felt right at the time, it's common to experience feelings of regret afterwards. You may find yourself wondering 'What if we’d tried harder?' or 'Did I give up too soon?' If you're experiencing divorce regret, you're not alone. These feelings don't necessarily mean you made the wrong choice, in fact they're often part of the natural healing process as you adjust to a big life change. The important thing is not to judge yourself harshly for having these feelings. If you can, it’s advisable to think reflectively and prepare to co-operate with your ex-partner to make the process as smooth as possible.

If you’re looking for a collection of guides and resources for navigating divorce, separation and co-parenting, you can access tools for free on our portal.

Understanding divorce regret

Divorce regret is when you feel sadness, guilt or even remorse about ending your marriage. These emotions may crop up unexpectedly, long after the paperwork is signed or during quiet moments of reflection. Your emotional journey is unique, and it’s okay for this to not feel linear.

Sometimes they come with grief about the life you once had, or dreams and goals for your relationship that no longer exist. Other times, the regret is about how things were handled or how the relationship ended.

Common sources of divorce regret:

1. Missing the familiar comfort of your relationship

Even if your relationship had its challenges, there’s often comfort in the day-to-day familiarity it brought. You might find yourself missing shared routines, chatting with someone at the end of the day, or simply the sense of being part of a team. It’s completely natural to long for what once felt familiar, but that doesn’t mean staying would have been right for you.

2. The potential impact on children

If you have children, watching them adjust to the new family dynamic can trigger feelings of regret. Seeing their confusion or sadness, or worrying about how the divorce will affect their future, can make you question your decision.

But it’s important to remember that children are incredibly resilient. Creating a peaceful and consistent co-parenting relationship can give them all the love and stability they need to thrive.

Hear from adult children of divorce, which might help give you some helpful perspectives. We also recommend our podcast episode with Dr Angharad Rudkin, a clinical psychologist with over 20 years’ experience, about the effects of divorce on children.

3. Post-divorce financial concerns

Divorce often comes with financial changes, and managing your own finances might feel daunting at first. It can be especially stressful to think about how your lifestyle might change, your living situation or how it might impact the future you had in mind for your family.

You may be adjusting to a new lifestyle or facing money worries that weren’t there before. These challenges can trigger doubt, making you wonder if the emotional cost was worth it. Talking about finances with your ex-partner can be especially triggering, and it’s important to navigate this as calmly as possible to have helpful, productive conversations.

Watch our YouTube video with some top tips about how to negotiate finances with your ex, and help reach an agreement amicably.

With time and help, many people find they become more confident and secure in managing life independently. Read this practical guide from an Octopus Money Senior Paraplanner with five helpful post-split money tips.

4. Social changes during and after your separation

Divorce often brings changes to your social circle. Mutual friends might feel torn between loyalties, or you might feel isolated from couple-focused activities. These social adjustments can contribute to feelings of regret, even when the divorce was necessary for your wellbeing.

If you’re feeling regret, try not to see it as a sign of failure. Instead, view it as part of the healing process.

However, if feelings of regret are overwhelming, making day-to-day life difficult, or leading you to think about getting back together without addressing the reasons the relationship ended, it might be time to reach out for professional help by talking to a therapist or counsellor.

Practical steps to manage divorce regret

Moving past divorce regret takes time and intentional action. Here are practical ways to help you process these feelings and rebuild your life in a healthy, positive way.

1. Give yourself space to grieve

Divorce marks the end of a meaningful chapter in your life, and it’s completely natural to experience a range of different emotions along your journey: whether you experience sadness, anxiety, anger, frustration or guilt - your feelings are valid. Even when you’re confident the decision was right, letting go of shared routines, future plans, and a once-close connection can bring a real sense of loss.

Grieving doesn’t mean you want to go back, it just means that you’re processing change. Giving yourself that emotional space is an important part of healing, and allowing yourself to feel whatever comes up will help you move forward in a healthier way.

If you need to live with your ex-partner for a period of time, as can often be the case, this can make it difficult to establish the new routines both you and your ex-partner need to adjust. Watch our YouTube video about how to navigate sharing space with your ex if you’ve decided to divorce.

2. Be kind to yourself

It’s easy for regret to be followed by self-criticism or 'what if' thoughts. But try to show yourself the same kindness and understanding that you would give to a friend.

Remember that you made the best decision you could with the information and emotional resources you had at the time. Even if you can see things differently now, that doesn't mean your choice was wrong. This could be the start of a personal healing journey that helps you discover new things about yourself and gives you an opportunity to start afresh with more information than you had before.

3. Remind yourself why you made the decision to get divorced

When regret feels overwhelming, it can help to revisit the reasons that led to your divorce. Try writing down the things that didn’t work, the patterns you noticed or incidents that contributed to your decision.

This isn’t about dwelling on negatives. It’s about gently reminding yourself of the valid reasons you chose to end your marriage. Keep this list somewhere close, so you have it ready when you need a little clarity or reassurance that your decision was based on real concerns and circumstances.

What’s most important now is focusing on how to move forward collaboratively and, if possible, work with your ex-partner to reach an agreement that protects both of you and allows you to create your independent future. Setting goals for your divorce and being on the same page can help things feel more balanced.

You can also start by learning about the no-fault divorce process in England and Wales, which will help you understand the process and what to expect.

Learn about no-fault divorce with one of our Divorce Specialists in our YouTube video, or schedule a free call to ask your questions.

4. Connect with others and find common ground

Divorce can sometimes feel lonely, especially if your social circle has shifted now that you're no longer part of a couple. Try reaching out to friends or family members who are understanding and positive.

You might also find it helpful to join a support group where others are going through similar experiences.

Sharing your feelings with people who care about you can remind you that you’re not alone in this journey and that the feelings you’re having are completely normal.

If you’re not sure you want to share the news with your social circle right now or aren’t ready to speak with an amicable Divorce Specialist, you can always post a question or ask for support on our Advice Forum.

5. Reach out for help

If regret is making day-to-day life difficult or leaving you feeling stuck, professional help can be a really valuable step. Speaking with a therapist or counsellor gives you space to explore your emotions and learn tools to cope.

They can help you make sense of what you're feeling, reduce self-blame, and build a clearer picture of how to move forward positively.

Improve your mental health with Betterhelp. All amicable customers receive 30% off their first month with Betterhelp. Our partners offer counselling and therapy that is tailored to your needs. You’ll be matched with a qualified therapist and join online sessions from the comfort of your home.

How to rebuild your life after divorce regret

Moving forward from divorce regret is about creating a life that feels right for who you are today, one that brings you fulfilment, purpose, and a fresh sense of self.

This process takes time, but with patience and intention, you can create a future that brings you genuine happiness.

1. Rediscover who you are outside of your relationship

After divorce, you have the unique opportunity to rediscover who you are as an individual. This can be both exciting and a little daunting, but that’s okay.

Think about what interests you’ve set aside. Reconnect with old friends. Explore new hobbies or revisit ones you loved years ago. The goal isn’t to reinvent yourself overnight, it’s to reconnect with what makes you feel most like you. Go at your own pace and give yourself permission to enjoy this time of rediscovery.

You can listen to our podcast episode with Joe and Kate Sharp about how they untied the knot and moved forward with their independent lives.

2. Create new routines and traditions

Divorce often means a change in day-to-day life, which can feel unsettling at first. Creating new routines can help bring a sense of comfort and structure to your days.

It might be something simple like a weekend walk, trying a new recipe on Sunday evenings, or joining a regular class or group. These routines help to shape your life and give you something to look forward to. Even simple mindfulness activities can help bring new moments of joy to support your healing journey.

If you have children, starting new family traditions together can help everyone adjust. Whether it’s pancake mornings, board game nights or a monthly movie evening, small rituals can create warmth and connection in your new family dynamic, allowing you to create new and positive memories together.

Once you’ve decided to divorce, you and your co-parent can work on a parenting plan or shared-care agreement to best support your children’s needs as a separated couple.

3. Set small goals

Having something to work towards, even something small, can bring you a sense of purpose and direction when things feel uncertain. These goals could be as simple as learning a new skill, improving your fitness, or planning a trip you've always wanted to take. Many important financial decisions about property, debt and pensions need to be made, and it can help things feel more manageable if you achieve small successes.

Whatever it is, choose goals that feel meaningful to you. Every small step you take will help to build your confidence.

4. Practice gratitude

While it might seem difficult when you're dealing with regret, practising gratitude can help to shift your perspective as you adjust to a new lifestyle post-separation.

Try to identify small positives in your daily life. This could be as simple as a good conversation with a friend, a peaceful moment to yourself, or progress you've made in adjusting to your new circumstances.

Gratitude doesn't mean pretending everything is perfect or ignoring your challenges. Instead, it helps balance difficult emotions by highlighting the good things still present in your life.

5. Embrace your growth

Divorce can be hard, but it also often leads to real personal growth. You may notice you're better at setting boundaries, more emotionally aware, or more in touch with what you need.

Noticing how you’ve grown doesn’t take away from the pain you’ve been through. Instead, it shows that, even in your toughest moments, you’ve learned, adapted and moved forward. These changes can help shape a future that feels more honest, grounded and fulfilling.

Experiencing regret after divorce is completely natural. It’s a sign that you’re processing something significant, not a sign that your decision was wrong. We all grieve differently, and regret is often part of acknowledging what’s changed, what’s been lost, and what could have been.

With time, space and the right support, it’s possible to find peace and begin a positive new chapter in your life. The journey won’t be a straight line, there will be better days and harder ones, but each step you take is part of moving forward. It may be that you find yourself open to forgiveness, or arrive at a point of acceptance for the lessons learned and all you’ve achieved.

If you're struggling with divorce regret or any other aspect of your separation, consider speaking with one of our specialists. Whether you need practical help or a listening ear, we’re here to help. You can book a free 15-minute consultation with one of our Divorce or Co-parenting Specialists to talk through your situation and explore the best way forward.

Remember, divorce might be the end of one chapter, but it can also be the beginning of something more hopeful.

FAQs

Is it normal to regret my divorce even though I know it was the right decision?

Yes, it’s completely normal. Many people feel a sense of regret after divorce even when they know it was the right thing to do – it’s part of grieving a major life change. You might be missing the life you once knew, or feeling sad about what’s been lost. These emotions don’t mean your decision was wrong, they just reflect how significant the change is. Give yourself permission to feel what’s coming up and remind yourself why the decision was necessary at the time.

How long do feelings of divorce regret typically last?

There’s no set timeline for how long regret lasts, it’s different for everyone. For some, the feelings ease after a few months. For others, they might come and go over a longer period, especially around milestones like birthdays, Christmas, or during big life transitions. As you begin to rebuild and settle into new routines, it’s likely these feelings will soften. But if you find that regret is affecting your day-to-day life or mental wellbeing, reaching out for professional help from a therapist or counsellor can really help you develop healthy coping strategies.

Should I consider getting back together if I’m feeling a lot of regret?

Regret alone isn’t necessarily a reason to return to the relationship. It’s important to think about what you’re really feeling. Are you missing your ex-partner and the relationship itself, or is it more that you’re missing the comfort of familiarity and routine? Before making any decisions, ask yourself whether the challenges that led to the separation have been worked through. If you’re unsure, speaking with a therapist or counsellor can help to give you clarity. It could also be beneficial to find out if communication with your ex has improved, as this would help you build a new foundation to your relationship. Remember that rebuilding a relationship should only be considered when both people have taken time to reflect and are committed to addressing what didn’t work before. You can read our blog about getting back together with your ex-partner if you have concerns, or feel this might be a healthy option for you both.

How do I stop blaming myself for how things ended?

It’s easy to fall into self-blame after divorce, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable. But try to remember that relationships are complex, and no one gets everything right. Rather than focusing on what went wrong, focus on what you’ve learned and how you want to grow. Be kind to yourself as you heal. You did the best you could with the information and circumstances you had at the time. If you feel guilty, remember that a divorce or separation has an enormous impact on your mental health, and this was not a decision you made on a whim.