How to cope with divorce stress

Whilst a separation can bring positive change and be a time for personal growth, it is also recognised as one of the most challenging life events you can experience. You can cope with this stress by getting your finances in order, making legal arrangements, staying healthy, and getting professional help if you need it.

When you're separating from a long-term relationship or marriage, the emotional journey can be difficult to navigate, and it’s natural to experience negative feelings such as stress, even when divorce is the right decision. It can feel like your life has been turned upside down, and the pressure can show up at work, in your relationships, and even in your body.

Learning how to cope with divorce stress is beneficial for your overall wellbeing and is important in helping you manage the practical side of separating, such as untangling your finances and co-parenting.

In this blog, we'll look at what stress is, how it can show up in our bodies and mind, common things that might cause stress during your divorce, and then how to reduce these as you separate and move on to the next chapter of your life.

What is stress?

Stress is a natural psychological and physical response to daily challenges or difficult situations, like separation or divorce.

The psychological symptoms of stress can include:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Irritability
• Mood swings
• Difficulty concentrating
• Memory problems
• Overwhelm
• Low self-esteem
• Overthinking

The physical symptoms of stress can include:

• Headaches
• Fatigue
• Sleep problems
• Changes in appetite
• Digestive issues
• Increased heart rate

Behavioural symptoms of stress can include:

• Withdrawal from social activities
• Procrastination
• Nervous behaviours
• Irritation or frustration

Excessive stress can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness, making it difficult to cope with the demands of daily life. To read more about the physiological and psychological symptoms of stress and get help, visit the NHS website.

Tip: Emotional freedom technique (EFT) is a tool which can help you to cope with the psychological and physical responses to stressful experiences, such as separation and divorce. Listen to this episode of The Divorce Podcast for more information on this:

Why is divorce so stressful?

How much the emotional aspects of separating impact you depends on different factors, including your individual adaptability to change and external factors like the amicability of your separation. However, many of us experience stress when things happen that we can't predict, or can't control.

If you’re able to communicate with your ex-partner safely and choose to separate amicably, the elements of the divorce process that are mostly within your control include:

• The legal process
• Making arrangements for your children
• Untangling your finances
• Your support network

Elements outside of your control include the emotions of others and their actions (ie. ex-partner, family and loved ones).

It’s normal for you and your ex-partner to be in different emotional places, especially if the decision to separate wasn’t mutual. If you’re the initiator, your separation will be slower and more stressful if you rush the other person. Allow time for your partner to catch up and, if possible, get professional help with the ‘grieving and moving on’ process. Learning how to cope with a divorce also involves accepting that progress isn’t always linear, and that emotional healing takes time.

How to cope with divorce stress

Understand the legal process and organise your finances

If you’re married or in a civil partnership and you choose to separate, you will need to go through the legal steps necessary to divorce or dissolve your civil partnership. A way of limiting any related divorce stress is to choose a transparent, respectful and affordable process.

You can decide how you want to divide your money, property and debt together, through a ‘Kitchen Table Agreement’ or with the help of amicable. Our Divorce Specialists can help you to agree on a fair financial settlement through our Negotiation Service. Alternatively, you can try mediation, using solicitors, arbitration or, as a last resort, court proceedings.

Tip: Talking about money can feel overwhelming and stressful, but writing lists, creating a post-separation budget and getting help with these conversations will reduce this, as it will help you feel in control.

Get 1-to-1 money advice or read these practical tips from our discussion with Octopus Money

Create clear arrangements for children and pets

Disagreements over arrangements for your children can add stress to your separation. You can reduce this by getting expert help from a Co-parenting Specialist.

amicable can help with:

• Talking to your children about your separation
• Agreeing on holidays and special occasion arrangements
• Discussing and agreeing on all your arrangements through our Separating with Children Service
• Helping to decide whether joint ownership will work for you and your pet

Some of our legal services include support with agreeing arrangements for your children, pets or other issues you and your ex-partner might not be aligned on, or if you have a specific issue to address, you can purchase a one-hour joint advice consultation here.

Stay healthy and keep moving

Stress often resides in the body, and movement is one of the most effective ways to release it and boost mood. Whether it’s a brisk walk, a jog, yoga, or dancing in your living room, any kind of movement can help, with bonus points if you get outside. Nature adds an extra layer of calm: trees, fresh air, and sunlight help regulate your nervous system and bring a fresh perspective.

When faced with stress, we tend to overthink things, which impacts the decisions we make. Movement is a great way to give your thinking brain a break and move the energy into the body. When you don’t feel like moving and it feels overwhelming to think about any exercise or a long walk, try convincing yourself to go for just a five minute walk. A lot of the time, once you're out, you'll start feeling better, and will end up walking longer.

Adjust to life after separation

In most cases, neither of you will be able to go on enjoying the same standard of living as you did during the relationship, as you’re dividing two incomes and your money and property. It’s rare that assets and income stretch that far.

This is an important point to get your head around and can often come as a shock. However, there can be many positives to adjusting to your new life situation. Listen to this podcast episode where Kate Daly was Kate was joined by financial planner, Louise Oliver and Divorce Coach Tosh Brittan to discuss adjusting to a new lifestyle post-separation.

Build a healthy co-parenting relationship

Another factor that can increase or create stress is around co-parenting. Often, it’s miscommunication or external voices that can cause tension. There are many free resources, such as The Divorce Podcast, webinars and guides to help. There’s also the amicable co-parenting app to manage the various aspects of your co-parenting.

Tip: Focus on creating a business-like relationship with your co-parent, where your children are the business. Keep communication brief, respectful and efficient.

Navigate new partners and blended families

A new partner or family dynamic can add extra stress to a separation. This is often outside of your control, but how you respond is.

Listen to this episode of the podcast for Professor Lisa Doodson's and Rebecca Jones' expert advice on introducing new partners and navigating blended families:

Use meditation & mindfulness

It can be exhausting trying to stay “strong” all the time. It’s completely normal to feel grief, anger, or stress at the thought of holding everything together. It can be helpful to let the feelings come and go without judging them, instead of fighting them, or beating yourself up for feeling them.

Practising meditation and mindfulness can be powerful tools when you're learning how to cope with divorce stress. Even just a few minutes a day can help you feel more grounded, lessen anxiety, and improve your emotional state.

Techniques like deep breathing, guided meditation, or simply focusing on the present moment can create space between your thoughts and emotions. In turn, this can help you respond more calmly to the challenges of separation.

Tip: Try adding a moment of stillness into your routine, even if it's just for five minutes. Inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 5, exhale for 5, and repeat. Do this a few times when feeling overwhelmed, you might be surprised by how much it can help.

Journaling

Journaling is a great way to get thoughts out of your head and onto paper. It might sound strange, but the process of dealing with the thoughts and feelings, wrangling them into some kind of sense, and then writing them down can genuinely help us deal with difficult things It doesn’t need to be fancy or brilliant writing, no one else needs to read it, so don't judge yourself for not writing a masterpiece. If you struggle with the thought that someone you don’t want to will read it, you can rip up the pages and throw them away afterward. Writing things down can also help you notice patterns, wins, or changes over time, giving you an artifact of your divorce journey.

Set small routines for self-care

Self-care is exactly what it sounds like: taking care of yourself. It can take many different forms, like getting enough sleep, eating healthily, and doing things you enjoy.

Even small things like a morning cup of tea, a hot shower, or winding down with a book can help signal safety and stability to your nervous system, which lowers stress. Of course, we don't always set enough time for these things in our daily lives, so making it a priority can really help. Even something as simple as setting aside ten minutes before bed to read can make a big difference to how we feel (and how we sleep.) Taking the time for these can help give you a more solid structure, and a sense of control that combats stress.

Self-care also means saying “no” when you need to, if you've had a long day at work or looking after the children, you don't have to go out for a surprise drink with your friend if you don't want to.

Friends and family

Divorce can feel lonely. It’s easy to withdraw, and increased stress during or because of your separation may result in conflict or tension with others. For example, your relationship with your family members and friends may suffer because of the stress you’re under. Help your loved ones support you by sending them this guide.

Advice from friends and family, often out of love or sometimes fear, can subconsciously impact the amicability of your separation and your wellbeing. Surround yourself with those who are able to be supportive during this time. Reach out to trusted friends or family. Even just a chat over coffee or a quick text exchange can remind you that you're not in this alone.

Sometimes, spending time with people outside your circle can help you heal. Maybe attending a class like sports, yoga, or painting can make you feel included and connected to new people without the need to answer questions about your divorce (friends and family may mean well, but sometimes it’s okay not to want to talk about it).

Professional support

We’ve included tips in this blog to help you avoid unnecessary divorce stress by focusing on a more amicable process. But sometimes, just having a space to talk it out makes all the difference. A therapist, coach, or counsellor can offer support and tools to navigate this transition in a healthy way. If you are finding that you cannot cope, here are some professionals who can help:

• BetterHelp - get 50% off therapy through our partnership with BetterHelp
• Mind – managing stress and building resilience
• Every Mind Matters – get your free Mind Plan
• Every Mind Matters – self-help cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques
• Contact your local GP
• Call 111 or ask for an urgent GP appointment if you need help urgently, but it's not an emergency
• Call 999 or go to A&E now if you or someone you know needs immediate help

How amicable can help

amicable help with all aspects of the legal and financial process of divorce and separation. We’re different to solicitors because we work with couples, and our fees are fixed fee, transparent, include VAT and can be spread through our flexible payment plans.

If it’s the thought of the legal process or untangling your finances that’s causing stress, speak to one of our Divorce Specialists and book yourself a free consultation below.

How to cope with divorce stress FAQs

Is it normal to feel stuck or lost after divorce?

Yes, feeling stuck is a common experience when figuring out how to cope with a divorce. This period of uncertainty can be difficult, but it often passes as you begin to redefine your identity and rebuild your life. Setting small, achievable goals can help you move forward with purpose.

How long does it take to emotionally cope with a divorce?

There’s no set timeline for how to cope with a divorce emotionally, and everyone’s experience is different. Some people begin to feel more stable within months, while for others, it can take longer. What’s important is to permit yourself to grieve, seek support, and avoid comparing your journey to others. Building healthy coping mechanisms can ease the process and reduce the intensity of divorce stress over time.