Behind the book - with Kate Daly

Divorce is one of the few life events that almost no one is prepared for. Despite best intentions, relationships sometimes don’t work out. The stories in this book are about people who have faced the same moment you have - in the midst of grief, shock and uncertainty - with the pressure to make decisions that will shape the rest of their future (and that of their children).

I wrote amicable divorce as a complete guide to separating in a better way - no matter where you are in your journey. It shows us that there’s a better way forward for the modern family - a way that means couples can separate with mutual respect and kindness.

This book is rooted in real life. It’s full of stories and lessons from the thousands of couples we’ve helped to achieve an amicable divorce. It draws on the skills and experience of our Divorce Specialist teams – the people who spend hours each day listening to and supporting people who are contemplating, going through, recovering from or thriving after separation.

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The complete guide to divorce without the drama

If you’re looking for personal stories and practical tools to help you navigate your separation in a better way, this book was written for you. By getting a copy for you (or a friend) today, you’ll be among the first to receive the step-by-step guide to help you on your journey - from where to start, to rebuilding afterwards or navigating co-parenting in a way that puts your family first.

I wanted to remind parents that the most powerful thing you can do is to look at your separation through your children’s eyes. If you can commit to staying a great parenting team, even if your relationship ends, you give your children the best possible chance of thriving.

My personal story of divorce

Creating amicable was very much a personal mission. My goal was to save other people from the emotional mincing machine I had been through – with lawyers pitted against each other, chewing me up and spitting me out the other side.

When I got divorced, my ex and I both lawyered up, and each side set about scaring their client into taking aggressive stances and making decisions that were fuelled by fear. I hate that there is an industry that profits from conflict and division, especially when it comes to families – so I set out to change that. I’d kept a journal throughout my experience (like every good psychology scholar!) and I mapped the emotional journey to the legal journey to understand what was really driving decision-making and the role emotions played.

I went to work with a group of lawyers testing out my approach and realised that the lawyer model of billing by the 6-minute interval stopped ‘normal people’ from accessing help and support.

My first failure was in persuading the legal profession to fix their fees and give financial certainty in a time when everything is up in the air. I decided if I’d failed at getting them on board, I had no option but to set out alone. I took the idea to the smartest business person I knew - my good friend and co-founder Pip Wilson. She was already a successful tech entrepreneur and she helped me turn a good idea into a thriving business.

The book, amicable divorce, is full of anonymised stories from people we’ve helped. These stories bring the advice to life and show how real couples have navigated difficult moments. Alongside this, the book draws on psychological research, our day-to-day experience working with couples and our understanding of the legal process in England and Wales. It’s a blend of evidence, expertise and lived experience – not theory in a vacuum.

Is an amicable divorce even possible?

We’ve all heard the narrative around divorce. It’s still framed as a battle - with two sides, lawyers and a stressful process that leaves people financially and emotionally broken. But this story no longer reflects what most couples want from their separation, especially when there are children involved.

Yes, an amicable divorce is possible. But it’s not about avoiding difficult conversations or agreeing to everything - it’s about redefining separation as something that can be collaborative. amicable divorce aims to challenge the outdated narrative and offer a new way forward - that we know works for thousands of couples who choose to work with amicable. We believe this is the healthiest way to move forward and an approach that can be successful for most couples.

You might find this episode of The Divorce Podcast helpful. It’s about how to go about an amicable separation and I found it so valuable to work with experts to find ways to help couples, co-parents and friends.

Tune in now https://www.thedivorcepodcast.com/episode/amicable-divorce-in-practice

# Praise for amicable divorce

Compassionate, clear and deeply reassuring, amicable divorce shows parents that separation doesn’t have to come at the cost of their children’s emotional security. Kate Daly offers a calmer, kinder way forward - one rooted in cooperation, dignity and care.

Catherine Morgan, founder of The Money Panel

amicable divorce is so important and necessary. It lays down a framework to help you flourish after a very painful time. The book is detailed and straightforward and all told in the tone of your helpful, chatty, expert friend. It would have been profoundly useful to me when I was navigating the choppy seas of divorce myself.

Wendy Wason, comedian

Few experiences can upend your life like divorce. With rare clarity and practical wisdom, Kate Daly demystifies the process and shows how to end a marriage with integrity and self-respect while staying squarely focused on your kids.

Christina McGhee, author of Parenting Apart

Q&A with author, Kate Daly

What’s the biggest misconception about amicable divorce you hope to challenge?

I think sometimes people think an amicable divorce is all about agreeing with each other. Having a clear agreement on what you want to do or nodding along with a suggestion from the financially stronger person and not rocking the boat. I really want to dispel this myth.

An amicable divorce is more about having worked through the issues properly - having tested out scenarios and checked that they really work both now and in the future. It's about asking difficult questions without letting things spiral into a standoff. It's more about emotional regulation and process and less about agreement in the early stages. Ultimately it's about understanding why an agreement works for your children and the two of you rather than coming out feeling like you’ve ‘won’.

What do you hope separated parents will take away from this?

That an amicable divorce is not just possible - but it can be the best option when you share children together. I also hope they take away that you don’t need to do everything in the book - just doing one or two things differently can have a big impact.

What is the book’s key takeaway if you’re the one who initiated your separation?

Hope is a discipline - so if [your partner is not on board](Link to how to bring your partner on board) with doing things amicably then it might be down to the timing rather than a fundamental issue with your partner. Remember you may have been thinking about splitting for several months or even years - they may be receiving the news that the relationship is over for the first time.

They need time and space to process the news before moving onto the practicalities. The book is a great place to start to understand the emotional journey, what the road ahead looks like and prevent you from making mistakes that change the course of your separation.

###What is the book’s key takeaway if you’ve received the news that your partner wants to separate? If you’ve just received the news that your partner wants to separate and you’ve picked up this book, then you are making a wonderfully positive choice. You are courageous and have already managed to take a decision you didn't make and try to see the positive. This guide will help you navigate the practical steps even if you feel unsure or unready. You can find more information about if you’re the person who received the news in this blog about emotional readiness and your call with amicable.

The social narrative around divorce is still very negative. It’s based on an outdated idea of two ‘sides’ and fighting lawyers. Most people don’t want that, especially when they have children. I wrote the book to help change the story we tell about divorce. I want to help create a new normal and a better set of expectations – one that leads to kinder break-ups and better outcomes for children.

Book a call with an expert

Reading brings comfort and encourages you to start your plan, but sometimes what you might need is a conversation. If you’re starting this journey and want to understand what options exist for your situation, booking a call with a Divorce Specialist can give you the confidence and courage to start your divorce, formalise a co-parenting routine if you have children with an ex-partner or feel less uncertain about the legal process.

You don’t have to navigate this alone - your free consultation will bring you 15-minutes closer to taking the first step.

If you're interested in learning more about the book, you can watch exclusive insights from Kate Daly in her Chapter series on YouTube.

# How will you choose to separate? With the right support, mindset and tools, your separation can become a turning point.

Kate’s story - and the stories of the thousands of families helped by amicable, show that change is possible when we change the narrative from conflict to kindness. However your journey looks right now, you don’t have to walk it alone - and you don’t have to follow an outdated script that no longer serves families. This is more than just a book, it’s a hopeful alternative that can be the reality for most couples.

FAQ's

What is amicable divorce about?

amicable divorce is a practical guide for navigating divorce, separation and co-parenting. Written by Kate Daly, co-founder of amicable and a qualified relationship counsellor, it provides real stories, expert guidance and step-by-step advice taken from amicable’s insights of thousands of couples who have been through the same journey.

Who should read amicable divorce?

The book is for anyone going through separation or divorce, whether you want to start the process or if you’re the one receiving the news. It’s especially valuable for families who want to successfully work with their ex-partner to agree co-parenting arrangements.

Does the book include real-life examples?

Yes. amicable divorce is full of stories from couples who navigated separation successfully. These examples illustrate practical steps, emotional challenges and solutions, helping readers see how the principles of an amicable divorce work in practice.

Can reading amicable divorce reduce stress during separation?

Yes. By offering clarity, practical advice and emotional guidance, the book helps readers slow down, make informed decisions and navigate divorce with less conflict.

How can amicable divorce help if my partner wants to use lawyers?

The book provides strategies for managing emotional and practical challenges even when your partner is hesitant or wants to take a different approach. It focuses on your choices, emotional regulation and actions that are in your control to foster collaboration and protect your children.