What Sally Phillips can teach us about starting over after divorce

Our co-founder, Kate Daly, was joined by actor and comedian Sally Phillips on The Divorce Podcast, for a warm and honest conversation about life ten years on from her divorce. If you're wondering whether life gets better after separation, her story says yes, even though she's the first to admit it's taken time.

Listen to the full episode here or watch it on YouTube.

Here's what her story can teach the rest of us about starting over.

How do you know when a marriage is over?

You often sense it long before you're ready to face it. Sally has said she knew her marriage was struggling but avoided looking at it directly, partly out of fear of managing alone.

That instinct is usually worth trusting. Waiting for one dramatic, undeniable moment can mean ignoring what you already know. Can perimenopause affect your marriage?

It can add real strain, though it doesn't decide the outcome on its own. Sally didn't realise she was going through perimenopause during her divorce, and put her symptoms down to other causes at the time.

Looking back, she doesn't think a diagnosis would have saved the marriage, but she believes it might have led to a kinder ending. A 2024 study in Feminism & Psychology found many women feel unsupported by partners during this stage of life, which chimes with her experience. If this sounds familiar, it's worth raising with a GP alongside any relationship support you're getting.

How do you rebuild after divorce?

Often, necessity builds confidence faster than choice would. Sally took on work she'd never have chosen before, to support her family alone, and found she was capable of far more than she expected. As she puts it: 'the very worst thing happened, and I could do it.'

She also leaned harder on family and friends, and found that support mattered more than she'd realised.

Can you find love again after divorce?

Yes, and there's no fixed timeline for it. Sally swore off dating for a while after her divorce, then met her now-partner through a friend a few years later. Her main lesson for second relationships: give each other proper space, rather than assuming things will work the way they did the first time round. For more on pacing yourself, see our guide to dating after divorce.

Where do I start rebuilding after divorce?

1. Be honest with yourself about what you need, even if it's hard to say out loud
2. Build support around you, whether that's friends, family, or a community like amicable space.
3. Revisit any unresolved practical matters when you're ready
4. Let new relationships, and yourself, take shape at their own pace

More divorce resources

Feeling ready to take practical steps forward? Book a free 15-minute call with an amicable expert.