The hidden cost of delaying divorce - The Divorce Podcast

Delaying divorce is rarely about logistics – it's usually about fear. Many people stay stuck long after they know their marriage is over, held back by decision fatigue, worry about the future or a sense that waiting keeps things manageable. But staying in that in-between space has a real cost – emotionally, practically and financially. At amicable, we help people move forward when they're ready, at their own pace.

You know your marriage is over. But you're still waiting – for the right moment, more certainty, or permission you're not sure will ever come. This episode is for anyone who's been circling the same question and is ready to stop waiting and start moving forward.

Why people delay divorce

Kate is joined by Farhana Hussain, the UK's first divorce doula and author of She's Not Done Yet, to explore what keeps people stuck in the space between knowing their marriage is over and actually applying for divorce – and how moving forward is about choosing to become the author of your own life.

You can listen to the full episode below, or on your favourite listening platform such as Spotify, Apple Podcasts or YouTube Music.

Explore different episodes here.

We talk about:

• Farhana’s own separation story and what led her to write She’s Not Done Yet
• Why people wait – even when they know what they want
• Why even amicable divorces can lead to being stuck
• The emotional and practical cost of delay
• Decision fatigue and why divorce is never just one decision
• How to stop waiting for permission and start authoring your own life

This episode is for anyone who feels like their life is on hold - and is ready to stop waiting and start moving forward.

Why do people delay divorce even when they've made up their mind?

Often, delay isn’t about not knowing – it’s about fear. By the time many people start asking questions about divorce, they already have a sense of what they want, but making a decision means taking responsibility for what comes next. That can feel overwhelming.

Fear of making the ‘wrong’ choice, worrying about children or finances, or hoping things might improve can keep people stuck. There’s also a false sense of control in waiting – as if not acting keeps things manageable. But in reality, it’s this avoidance of discomfort and responsibility that keeps people circling the same decision rather than moving forward.

What’s the cost of delaying divorce?

Delay or indecision in divorce isn’t neutral – it comes at a real emotional and practical cost. Staying in that ‘in-between’ space can quietly erode your wellbeing, creating a constant undercurrent of stress, anxiety and tension that becomes normalised over time. Life effectively goes on hold while time keeps moving, and that prolonged limbo can start to shape how you see yourself - often leading to self-doubt and a loss of trust in your own judgement. It can also impact your children, finances and ability to move forward, even if nothing outwardly appears to be changing.

What is decision fatigue in divorce?

Decision fatigue in divorce comes from the sheer volume of choices that need to be made. While people often focus on the initial decision – whether to stay or leave – that’s only the beginning. Separation involves many layered decisions around finances, parenting, living arrangements and next steps, which can quickly become overwhelming.

This accumulation of decisions can leave people exhausted, making it feel easier to avoid action altogether. That’s when silence and inaction start to feel like the simpler path, even though they keep you stuck in the same place.

Top tips on how to get unstuck and start the divorce process

Getting unstuck starts with small, intentional shifts rather than one big leap.

• Begin by slowing down and creating space to tune out external noise so you can hear your own instincts more clearly.
• Be honest with yourself about what you already know, even if you’re not ready to share it with others yet.
• Build trust in your decision-making by practising with smaller, everyday choices and reminding yourself that you can handle the outcomes.
• Grounding techniques – even something as simple as pausing to breathe – can help you think more clearly.
• Stop waiting for permission from others. Moving forward begins when you recognise that your life is yours to lead.

Meet the Divorce Doula

Farhana Hussain is the UK’s first Divorce Doula, founder of the award-winning business My Divorce Doula™, and author of She’s Not Done Yet: A Divorce Doula’s Manifesto for Women Who Refuse to Stay Stuck. Farhana helps people move from circling the same question to making a clear decision they can stand behind, so they enter the divorce process grounded, prepared and able to engage constructively. You can get in touch with Farhana through her website and you can buy her book on Amazon today.

More divorce resources

Ready to take a practical next step?

Book a free 15-minute consultation with an amicable expert for guidance on the legal, financial, emotional or co-parenting aspects of separation.

Want ongoing support through separation?

Join amicable space for bonus podcast episodes, exclusive webinars, articles and an interactive community where you can share questions and get expert advice from amicable specialists. Start your free trial here.

Kate’s book amicable divorce includes dedicated chapters on navigating the early stages of separation, including deciding whether your relationship is over and having the separation conversation in a way that reduces shock and defensiveness. Find it on Amazon today.

Got a question for a future episode?

Share your thoughts at [email protected] or through direct messages on Instagram.

If you'd like to be notified when a new episode of The Divorce Podcast is released, just click the button below and sign up for our newsletter: