separating after 20+ years… everything feels tied together

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Advice forum

Northsea
22.01.2026 10:57:12

96

My wife and i have been together 23 years, married for 18. No big drama, no affair, just slowly grew apart. Saying that out loud still feels strange.

What’s overwhelming me is how tangled everything is. House, pensions, savings, even friendships. It feels less like a breakup and more like unpicking a whole life.

People keep saying “at least it’s amicable” which i know is meant kindly, but it doesn’t make it easier to face starting again in my late 40s.

If anyone else separated after a long marriage, how did you even begin to get your head around it all?

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