Guide to minimising the effects of divorce on children

Co-founder of amicable, Kate Daly, shares her tips for minimising the emotional and psychological effects of divorce on children.

Learning from my mistakes

I divorced six years ago. I knew it would be tough. But what I wasn’t prepared for was the length of time it would take, the amount of money it would cost or the depth of hurt the whole family, especially the children would endure. In this blog, I’ll share what I’ve learned personally and professionally about the effects that divorce has on children.

Like many people I worried about the children most; the impact divorce was having (or would have) and how I could make things better for them. When I emerged out of the other side of my divorce, I was determined to help people avoid what we had been through as a family. From that point on, my aim was to help couples build better co-parenting relationships… and so amicable was born.

Our mission at amicable is to change the way people separate. We don’t think divorce should be a train-wreck. Instead, we help parents prioritise the well-being and security of their children when making financial arrangements and completing their divorce and to ensure that the impact of divorce on children is curtailed.

Minimising divorce effects on children

Many customers ask us whether there's “a way to divorce that doesn’t hurt the children”. Longitudinal research from the last ten years shows that it’s not the divorce itself that damages kids, but the way parents handle it that impacts them. However, there has been a steady improvement in parents’ handling of divorce. Our own research shows that 23% of couples delay the process because of concerns about how their children will be affected by their separation. Staying in a broken relationship is not usually best for kids. It subconsciously encourages poor relationship behaviour, and this can impact how your children form relationships in their later life.

Minimising these negative effects means taking decisive action and having a plan of how you are going to execute your divorce.

Most people need a bit of help with this especially if they are feeling emotional themselves. Get some help from professionals like our Divorce Specialists to guide you through the best way to handle the kids.

What children need

Children need to know three basic things if you are divorcing:

• It’s not their fault
• You both love them
• You will still be their parents together and they will continue to see both of you

We designed our app specifically to help parents co-parent after separating, putting their children first and meeting children’s needs.

Why amicable works for parents

• Our clever use of technology creates a platform that encourages communication allowing parents to develop a comprehensive co-parenting plan without lawyers involved
• The co-parenting app includes a timeline feature, enabling you to record both of your co-parenting communications and arrangements. You can download and share it with wider family members and easily update it as children grow and arrangements change
• amicable promotes a new co-parenting relationship with your partner once you’ve separated. Instead of lawyers speaking on your behalf, you practice how to communicate effectively with your ex. You will always have a Divorce Specialist on hand to help you learn the ropes of effective co-parenting
• amicable helps couples reach a resolution quickly – up to 50% quicker than a divorce involving lawyers. Limbo is damaging for children…
• Divorce Specialists help advise on what’s works best for children of different ages to maintain strong and healthy relationship with both of you. We help you find the right living arrangements for your family after you separate
• Our experienced Divorce Specialists are also separated parents. They understand the difference between what looks fair on paper and what works best for families in practice – the experience of having been there and done that at your fingertips

The amicable service

If like me, you are worried about the psychological impact of divorce on children, amicable offers a ground-breaking way to separate without destroying your family. My own traumatic experiences inspired me to design amicable and start to change the way the people divorce, and I hope it changes your divorce too.

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