Guide to minimising divorce effects on children

Co-founder of amicable, Kate Daly, shares her tips for minimising divorce effects on children.

Learning from my mistakes

I divorced six years ago. I knew it would be tough. But I wasn’t prepared for was the length of time it would take, the amount of money it would cost or the depth of hurt the whole family, especially the children would endure. In this blog, I’ll share what I’ve learned personally and professionally about how to minimise divorce effects on children.

Like many people I worried about the children most, the impact it was having (or would have) and how I could make things better for them. When I emerged out of the other side of my divorce I was determined to help people avoid what we had been through as a family and help couples build better co-parenting relationships… and so amicable was born.

Our mission at amicable is the change the way the world divorces. We don’t think divorce should be a train-wreck. Instead, we help parents prioritise the well-being and security of their children when making financial arrangements and completing their divorce.

Minimising divorce effects on children

Many customers ask us 'whether there's a way to divorce better for kids'. Longitudinal research from the last ten years shows that it’s not the divorce itself that damages kids but the way parents handle it that impacts. Improve parent’s handling of divorce and the life chances of kids remain on course. Our own research shows that 23% of divorcing couples actually delay their divorce because of concerns about the impact on their children. Staying in a broken relationship is not usually best for the kids. It role models poor relationship behaviour and this can impact how your children form relationships in their later life.

Minimising the divorce effects on children means taking decisive action and having a plan of how you are going to execute your divorce. Most people need a bit of help with this especially if they are feeling emotional themselves. Get some help from professionals like our divorce coaches to guide you through the best way to handle the kids.

What children need

Children need to know three basic things if you are divorcing:

• It’s not their fault
• You both love them
• You will still be their parents together and they will continue to see both of you

We designed our app specifically to help parents to co-parent after separating, putting their children first and meeting children’s’ needs.

Why amicable works for parents

• Our clever use of technology creates a communications platform allowing parents to develop a co-parenting plan without lawyers involved
• The app creates a timeline to keep all your co-parenting communication and arrangements. You can download and share with wider family members and easily update as children grow and arrangements change
• amicable promotes a new co-parenting relationship with your partner once you’ve separated. Instead of lawyers speaking on your behalf, you practice how to communicate effectively with your ex. And, with a divorce coach on hand to help you learn the ropes of effective co-parenting
• amicable helps couples reach a resolution quickly – up to 50% quicker than a divorce involving lawyers. Limbo is damaging for children…
• Expert divorce coaches help advise on what’s works best for children of different ages to maintain and strong and healthy relationship with both of you. We help you  find the right living arrangements for your family when you re-organise after you separate
• Our experienced divorce coaches are also separated parents. They understand the difference between what looks fair on paper and works best for families in practice – the experience of having been there and done that at your fingertips

The amicable service

If like me, you are worried about the impact of your divorce on your children then amicable offers a ground-breaking way to separate without destroying your family. My own traumatic experiences inspired me to design amicable and start to change the way the world divorces and I hope it changes your divorce too.

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