My ex is having a baby
My ex recently told me he was expecting a baby with his partner. I knew that it was likely to happen, it's been years since we separated and we've both moved on and have committed relationships with our partners so when I heard the news, I was surprised that it sparked a series of unexpected emotions.
My initial reaction was a combination of shock but also feeling happy for my ex and his partner. I actually cried after the phone call – but wasn't sure why as we have been divorced for over six years and no romantic feelings remain. I then moved on to feeling sad that the father of my children was going to have children with someone else. I can't have any more children because of medical reasons so, in all honesty, there was a slight pang of jealousy that my ex can have children and create a new family and I can’t.
Then the questions started; my ex-husband will be a father of four, not three, how will our kids feel about sharing their Dad? Will his partner have as much time for our children? As a Mum, I know that being a first-time Mum, she will have different feelings for her biological child.
I also felt and still feel some anxiety knowing that things will, inevitably change and that the dynamics of our blended family will be shaken for a while. It's unchartered territory for us all and I'm not sure how our kids will react and adjust.
Nothing in life is all good or all bad and now the news has sunken in, I feel more positive and can see the bright side too. I can honestly now say I feel happy for them all and excited that my children will now have a half-sibling who will be a very special person in their life.
If you've just received the news that your ex is having a baby
No matter how over your ex you may or may not be, this is a piece of news that may shake you. It can invoke a mixed bag of emotions so take it easy and know that feelings don't hang around forever. Allow yourself to move through the emotions of sadness, disappointment, happiness, uncertainty and jealousy.
It's ultimately your choice how you digest and deal with the news but remember that your kids will consciously or subconsciously be watching how you react.
Tips if you're expecting and you haven't told your ex yet
- Let your ex know yourself before you tell the children or they hear the news via someone else
- Brace yourself and be sensitive to the possibility that it will have an impact on them
- Re-assure your ex that you will maintain and keep things as consistent as possible
- My ex, their new partner and our kids
- Blended families, how to make yours work - tips from a co-parenting expert
- Five tips to help you communicate with your co-parent
We are now seeing more and more couples living ‘under the one roof’ during and post-separation, often because of circumstances that cannot be controlled or changed quickly…
Communication with your ex during your divorce process can be fraught and full of stress. When you are caught in a cycle of conflict, with hurt and fear in the mix, it can be all too easy for tempers to flare, for things to be said and done, and for the temperature of the discussion to rise very quickly.
Child maintenance is the money a parent pays towards their child’s upbringing if they separate from their ex. All parents have a responsibility to support their children financially (even if they don’t see them). Child maintenance is usually a regular monthly payment to the parent who cares for the child most/more of the time.