An adult child's perspective on choosing between divorced parent's homes at Christmas

For lots of families, the festive period is about spending quality time together. If your parents have separated, whatever your age, it’s easy to feel like you’re stuck in the middle of where to spend the holidays.

In many cases, separated parents will have a plan that outlines where children will spend their holiday time, often down to specific days for those celebrating religious holidays. While these plans can give clarity, they don’t always prevent the awkwardness that children - whether young or grown - may feel about spending time with one parent over the other.

As an adult whose parents separated when I was younger, I still experience the awkwardness of not knowing what to do when both parents want to spend time with me on Christmas Day. It can be more difficult because I can actively choose to spend the day with one parent over the other.

Growing up, my parents always made an effort to put on a lovely Christmas for my sister and me, even after their separation. But as an adult, the holidays come with a new dilemma: balancing time not only between my mum and dad but also my partner and his family—or even friends.

No matter your age, if your parents aren’t together, deciding where to spend Christmas can come with a sense of guilt. While there are ways to fit in both parents during the holidays, it’s not always possible logistically, and for some, it may feel emotionally overwhelming.

Three tips for navigating the festive holidays with your parents

Here are my top tips for navigating holiday plans with separated parents as an adult:

Tip one: plan ahead of time

If you know in advance that you will only be able to see one parent during the holidays, try to make plans with the other one for the next year or even for the nearest occasion straight away to have something to look forward to

Tip two: stay connected

If you can only spend Christmas with one parent, make sure to call or Facetime the other one on the day. If you get the timing right, you can even catch the extended family on the phone to wish them all happy holidays together

Tip three: be kind to yourself

Be kind to yourself. Everyone’s situation is different, and Christmas may not be the easiest thing to navigate if your parents aren’t together. Don’t push yourself to try and fit everyone in at the expense of your own mental wellbeing. And that’s definitely not you being ‘selfish’.

I hope you enjoy the festive season, take some well-deserved rest, and spend the holidays in a way that feels right for you this year.