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Hi everyone, I've been lurking on here for a few weeks and finally plucked up the courage to post.
My husband and I have been married for 9 years and have two children together (ages 5 and 7). I found out about 4 months ago that he'd been having an affair for almost a year. It's been the most devastating thing I've ever been through. We've decided to separate, and honestly I think that's the right decision for both of us – I don't think there's a way back from this.
Here's the thing though: I know, rationally, that going through this amicably is better for us both, and especially for the kids. He's actually been very open about wanting to do it that way too. He's said he doesn't want to fight over everything, he wants us to be able to co-parent well, and he's been willing to sit down and talk practically. On paper it sounds like we should be able to manage this.
But I'm really struggling. Some days I can have a calm conversation with him about finances or the children's routine, and then I'll catch him on his phone and the grief and anger just hits me all over again. I feel like I'm constantly swinging between wanting to be mature and sensible about it all, and just wanting to scream.
Has anyone else navigated this? How do you separate the practical process from the emotional pain when the cause of the separation is betrayal? I know amicable is the right route – it'll be better for the children, less costly, less drawn out – but I'm finding it so hard to show up to those conversations with any kind of calm when I'm still so raw inside.
Would really appreciate hearing from anyone who's been through something similar. Thank you.