Pension sharing order – completely confused and not sure what's fair

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Advice forum

Patchwork
27.02.2026 9:32:13

18

Hi all, my husband and I (both in our early 50s) have been separated for about 8 months. We're in the process of selling the family home, which feels relatively straightforward. The part that's keeping me up at night is the pensions.

He has a defined benefit pension from 25 years in the public sector (teacher's scheme), and I have a much smaller private defined contribution pension – I spent years in part-time work while our two kids (now 17 and 20) were young, so there's a significant gap between us. Our solicitor has mentioned a pension sharing order but the whole thing is confusing me. Does my share of his pension sit on paper until I actually retire? And how do you even meaningfully compare a defined benefit pension to a defined contribution one – they seem like completely different things?

I'm also worried about the trade-off. He's 54, so only about 7 years from accessing his pension, and I earn considerably less than him. I don't want to sign away my share of the house equity to offset the pension gap if that turns out to be a worse deal long term. But I also don't want to drag this out.

Has anyone navigated this, especially with a defined benefit scheme involved? How did you work out what was actually fair given the age and earnings gap? Would really appreciate hearing from people who've been through it.

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