Messy separation and financial complications

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Advice forum

HappyDaysAhead
25.01.2026 19:57:42

14

My ex and I separated last year in April. We own a house together, which originally we rented out, but is now empty and on the market.

I am incredibly anxious about the thought of mediation. I have not been in the same room as my ex since the separation. My ex’s behaviour got increasingly erratic towards the end of the relationship - breaking things, making me doubt my sanity, and trying to turn me against some of my friends.

I have not started the divorce process yet, as my ex wanted to wait until the house was sold. Unfortunately a buyer recently dropped out, and my ex is now threatening to leave work and leave me solely responsible for the mortgage. We previously agreed to split everything 50:50, but obviously this won’t be fair if I am the one left paying the mortgage. My ex has always earnt more than me and throughout our ten year relationship, bar the year I did my teacher training, we have split everything equally.

My ex is living with someone else in a different rented place, and is resentful about having to cover the cost of the house. I am living with my parents. The whole situation feels deeply complex and I am trying very hard to stay calm and focus on the facts, but I can’t shake my anxiety at what my ex could do or the gut instinct I have to placate him after years of building my life around his emotions. I really need some guidance.

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