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Hello
I’m posting a looooong one here for the Amicable experts — mostly to see if a 30 minute consultation is going to give any advice or whether legal is my only recourse. Of course if anyone else has some answers or guidance, please help…
I have been separated for 8 years, living in rented accommodation while paying all mortgage cost and household bills on the joint marital home until very recently. More fool me, I know, but that’s where it landed when when we split. Then auto-pilot on both our parts since.
And then wakey-wakey. I’ve been in another relationship for the last 19 months. We don’t live together (she’s 170 miles away), no financial ties together either, and it’s obviously prompted me to finally press the divorce button. We’re at the final order stage, but no financial consent order yet.
We have had our MIAMs to start mediation but we have not been able to set a date for the next mediation session — it’s been 3 months since the MIAMs.
I am out of work, have been renting for 8 years and running out of money. She has agreed to pay the mortgage temporarily while I am out of work, and only did so once we used the 6 month charter to go interest only.
So one issue is getting her to move forward and quickly. Preferably without legal action, but prepared to use that as leverage I guess.
The other aspect to this is how to resolve the financial split when we eventually get to discuss it.
* She works part time, 16 hours sometimes more
* She has had inheritance of £40k
* She is selling a house that her Mum inherited with a view to split the proceeds between her, her brother and her Mum — apx £150k to her
* There’s about £110k in equity in the marital home
* She has a thyroid condition that causes fatigue and other symptoms
* She (at least I think) lives in a victim mindset, she is very negative wired, and struggles to see the positive ways forward
* We have one 14yo son and a 20yo daughter (at Uni, probably never coming back)
* We have shared co-parenting 50/50 from the outset
* We have been very amicable, and still are (mostly) since meeting my new partner ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
* We have one joint asset, the house. Apx 110k in equity
* I am out of work but have been a high earner working contracts (between £80-120k / year)
* I am working my way back in to contracts through contacts but job market is brutal
* I have turned 55 and have drawn down a lump sum (£13k) of my small pension pot (£54k) to keep me going
* I have paid out £80k+ in rent over the 8 years
* I have paid all the mortgage and household bills over the years
* I ‘may’ receive a gift or loan from my father as a way back into the property market
There’s probably more but I think that covers the major areas. We are largely amicable but things have become strained of late. Responses to messages are delayed and sporadic, we have had some crossed wires on child care and she has written some very spiteful comments. I have asked to meet, a chance for a reset in communications. She said yes, I suggested a day, and she has now ghosted me for almost 2 weeks. The ostrich, head in the sand seems to be a familiar pattern.
Main questions are as follows:
* Can I buy another property with gifted or loaned family money and the property not fall into the marital pot
* Could I have claim for more of the joint property considering my 8 years of mortgage payments?
* Can I force the timeline in this, legally? Or at leat have the knowledge/ammunition to use that as leverage to get her to talk more urgently?
* Can I force the sale of the house? Or, again, use that as leverage?
* While I don’t think morally I should benefit from her inheritance / sale of property, is it part of the marital pot and can I use that as a discussion point to help her understand that while she doesn’t earn that much she is in a great cash position to potentially live mortgage free.
So it’s part, let’s get going, get a move on.
And part, how could this all pan out, and should I pause on even thinking about buying.
I figure all of this would get resolved if only we could meet (with mediation or not) and talk to each other.
Sigh.