How to heal after separation: 44 things I tried - The Divorce Podcast

If you’re trying to feel better after separation and make sense of what healing really looks like, this episode offers honest reassurance and practical guidance for moving forward with self-compassion.

Moving house post-divorce

Kate is joined by Corey Seemiller, award-winning leadership professor and author of The Soulmate Strategy, to explore what helped her recover after a split and why continuing to try new approaches was an important part of her healing.

You can listen to the full episode below, or on your favourite listening platform such as Spotify, Apple Podcasts or YouTube Music.

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In this episode, we cover:

• Corey’s personal separation story and early steps toward healing
• What worked and what didn’t from the 44 different things she tried to feel better
• How writing a deeply personal book shaped her career and academic research
• Practical, realistic advice for moving forward after separation and building healthier relationships

This episode is for anyone navigating life after a breakup who wants reassurance that healing isn’t linear and that growth often comes from curiosity and kindness towards yourself.

Trigger warning: this episode includes discussion of physical injury, so please listen with care.

Why do some breakups hurt more than others?

Heartbreak isn’t measured by how long a relationship lasted or how ‘serious’ it looked on paper. What matters is how emotionally invested you were and how the breakup happened. Being deeply in love, feeling blindsided or losing a future you thought was secure can make the pain far more intense. When grief is mixed with shock or a sense of betrayal, the emotional impact can feel overwhelming and harder to process than separations where the relationship had already run its course.

Why it’s important to try different ways to feel better after a separation

There is no single right way to heal after a separation because everyone’s pain, history and needs are different. What helps one person might do very little for someone else and some things may help for a while before they stop working. Trying different approaches can bring moments of relief, insight or calm and also help you learn what genuinely supports you.

“There isn’t one way to feel better. Different things work for different people and at different times.” - Corey Seemiller, professor and author

Top tips from Corey on how to feel better after a separation

• Get support in whatever form feels right for you, whether that’s friends, family, therapy, coaching or trusted people around you
• Work on your mindset by setting intentions for how you want to feel and gently shifting how you show up in the world
• Allow yourself to feel the feelings instead of trying to numb or outrun them, even when that means sitting with discomfort
• Be open to trying new things but notice when you’re forcing the healing process rather than allowing it to unfold
• Practice self-compassion by accepting that feeling awful at times is a natural part of heartbreak, not a failure

What to do if you feel like you’re not getting better

If you feel like you’re not healing as quickly as you’d like, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or doing something wrong. It may mean you’re still in the thick of grief or trauma and that your body and mind need time. Reaching out for professional support can help you understand whether you’re stuck because you’re afraid to move on or because you’re trying to force healing too quickly. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is pause, breathe and let yourself be exactly where you are.

“The goal isn’t to get over it quickly. It’s to move through it honestly.” - Corey Seemiller, professor and author

Meet Corey Seemiller

Corey Seemiller is an award-winning leadership professor, author and accredited life coach. After her own separation, she experimented with 44 different approaches to healing – a journey that became the foundation for her book The Soulmate Strategy and shaped her academic research on relationships and personal growth. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, Time Magazine and Newsweek, and her highly popular TED Talk. She co-hosts the Rock That Relationship! podcast, discussing disasters and successes with breakups, healing processes, dating and relationships.

You can learn more about Corey’s new book The Soulmate Strategy here. For more relationship advice, you can tune in to the Rock That Relationship! podcast

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Kate’s book amicable divorce includes a dedicated chapter about healing post-separation and moving on. Find it on Amazon today.

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