Finding your voice through divorce

Fourteen years ago, my seemingly perfect life began to crumble. Every morning, I wiped away silent tears, battling the turmoil within. I felt trapped, unable to make my parents understand my pain. I juggled work and motherhood for over a decade while silently carrying an immense burden. My car became my haven, where I found the space to reflect. I realised I had to break free from this suffocating existence and pursue happiness.

Finding the courage to leave took work. Trapped by societal norms, I wrestled with the pressure to stay strong. Yet, I knew I needed to be free. Today, I stand not just as a survivor but as a thriver.

Breaking free from societal norms

My journey began in 2010 when I realised my marriage wasn’t what I thought it was. Two years later, I accepted that I needed to break free. As part of the Asian community, this decision came with additional challenges. I had already sacrificed my career for my husband and worked part-time while raising two young children. When I decided to end the marriage, my family reacted with uproar and offered no support.

Blinded by the belief that we needed to stay together for the children, my parents couldn’t see the reality of my situation. My mental health was ignored, and I felt emotionally trapped. Despite this, I left my family’s employment and slowly rebuilt my life while still fulfilling my roles as a wife and mother.

By 2016, I had reestablished my career, but my family still didn’t offer emotional support. It was a constant struggle between my love for them and my need for their approval to move forward with the divorce. In 2017, a business dispute finally made them see the reality I had been living. However, this led to new challenges—divorce proceedings and financial disputes.

The emotional toll and journey to freedom

The guilt and emotional manipulation were overwhelming, and they still linger. Though I’ve mended my relationship with my mom, full acceptance may never come. After years of legal battles, I finally attained freedom. Living under the same roof during these struggles was draining, but my boys’ resilience kept me going.

Joining Asian Single Parents Network (ASPN) marked a turning point in my life. I discovered a supportive community that helped me realise I wasn’t alone. In September 2021, I celebrated my liberation with a divorce party, a bold move that sent ripples through the media. My family disapproved, but I hadn’t set out to make a statement—I was simply celebrating my newfound happiness.

Rediscovering myself and inspiring others

As I continued to rebuild my life, people worldwide started reaching out. Though I wasn’t ready at first, I gradually found my voice. The journey of rediscovering myself after years of emotional manipulation wasn’t easy. Learning to love myself took time, especially after being told for years that I didn’t deserve happiness.

In January 2022, I stepped out of my comfort zone by attending my first networking event. Confronted with unexpected challenges, I stayed and had a fantastic evening, realising that a world of strong, ambitious women existed beyond my bubble. After years of just surviving, it was time to thrive.

Key takeaways from my journey

• Self-reflection and acceptance: Recognizing that my marriage wasn’t what I believed it to be was the first step toward reclaiming my life.
• Courage to break free: Despite societal and familial pressure, I found the strength to prioritise my well-being and leave a marriage that no longer served me.
• Persistence and perseverance: Rebuilding my life was difficult, but my determination to forge a new path kept me going.
• Seeking support: Although emotional support was scarce, I leaned on those who stood by me, finding strength in their unwavering presence.
• Focusing on my children: My love for my children became a powerful motivator, pushing me to persevere through the toughest moments.
• Embracing new beginnings: I embraced the promise of life after divorce, envisioning a brighter future and fueling my determination to move forward.
• Empowering others: By sharing my story and hosting a divorce party, I broke societal stigmas and inspired others to seek their own happiness.

In sharing my journey, I aim to empower others facing similar challenges. Finding your voice and embracing new beginnings is key to creating a fulfilling life after divorce.