How to talk about money in relationships and divorce - The Divorce Podcast

If money conversations in relationships feel uncomfortable, overwhelming or you avoid them altogether, this episode offers practical guidance on financial transparency – being open and honest about money – to help you feel more confident and informed.

Money and its role in relationships

Kate is joined by Tom Francis , Head of Personal Finance at Octopus Money, to explore why money conversations feel so difficult in relationships – and how financial transparency during separation can help you feel more confident, reduce conflict and make fairer decisions together.

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In this episode, we cover:

• What financial transparency looks like in relationships and during separation
• How to start understanding your own finances and build confidence
• Why money conversations feel so difficult
• Practical ways to approach financial discussions constructively
• How financial openness supports a smoother, fairer separation

This episode is for anyone navigating separation or divorce who wants to feel more informed, reduce conflict around money and make clearer financial decisions with confidence.

What is financial transparency?

Financial transparency is about being open and clear about money within a relationship, not just in terms of what you own but also how you think about money.

At its simplest, it means:

• Knowing what assets exist and where they’re held
• Being honest about spending habits and financial priorities

At a deeper level, it includes:

• Understanding each other's income, debts and financial commitments
• Sharing attitudes to saving, spending and planning for the future
• Discussing financial goals and what matters most to each of you
• Creating a shared understanding of what ‘fair’ means in your relationship

Financial transparency isn’t one rigid model that suits everyone. It’s about finding a level of openness, honesty and clarity that feels right for both people – and that changes as your relationship evolves.

‘Understanding how your partner thinks about money is as important as knowing what they actually have.’ - Tom Francis, Octopus Money

Why is financial transparency important during divorce?

During divorce, financial transparency is a legal requirement, but it’s about far more than listing figures on a form.

Here’s why it matters:

1. Fair decisions require full information

Agreements can only be fair if both people understand what exists, how money has been used and what each person needs for the future.

2. It builds trust in an uncertain time

When finances feel unclear or hidden, anxiety and suspicion grow. Transparency helps both people feel more confident that decisions are being made fairly.

3. It supports calmer conversations

Without clarity, money discussions become about fear, control or guesswork. With transparency, they become about practical problem-solving.

4. It creates sustainable agreements

Settlements built on full disclosure and shared understanding are far more likely to feel workable long-term – and far less likely to unravel later.

How to build financial transparency: practical tips from Tom Francis

Building financial confidence during separation doesn't happen overnight. Here are Tom's top tips for approaching money conversations constructively:

1. Set aside time to talk about money rather than raising it in the heat of the moment. Having a planned, calm conversation makes it easier to listen and understand each other.
2. Focus on one thing at a time instead of trying to cover every financial issue in one go. Small, focused discussions are far more productive.
3. Get clear on your own finances first, even if it feels overwhelming. Understanding what you hold is a vital starting point.
4. Ask questions and seek support when needed. As Tom says, ‘there’s no such thing as a silly question when it comes to your finances.’ If something doesn't make sense, ask for clarification or speak to an expert.
5. Talk about goals, not just numbers. Money conversations become easier when they're tied to what you both want your futures to look like – not just ‘who gets what.’

‘Generally what we’ll say is, what does an amazing life look like from here? And so few people can answer that quickly… But interestingly, if we flip that question on its head and say, ‘what does a really rubbish next 10 years look like to you?’ Our customer can give us five things straight away, no problem.’ - Tom Francis, Octopus Money

Meet Tom Francis

Tom is Head of Personal Finance at Octopus Money, a money advice brand for everyone. Tom spends his time designing the logic and customer journey to deliver regulated financial advice to the many, using the best of technology and humanity. He’s a fully qualified and chartered financial planner, and before joining Octopus Money, he played a leading role in building and scaling robo-advisers in the UK, including Wealthsimple (which was later sold to Moneyfarm) and Nutmeg.

You can learn more about Octopus Money on their website, and you can also book a free consultation with a money expert here. You can hear more financial advice from Tom on Keep the Change podcast, and make sure to follow him on Instagram for more bite-size tips.

More divorce resources

Ready to get clear on your finances?

Book a free 15-minute consultation with an amicable expert for guidance on the legal, financial, emotional or co-parenting aspects of separation. We offer a range of services to help you feel supported and confident in your finances, whether you’re navigating a separation or starting a new relationship.

Want ongoing support as you rebuild after separation?

Join amicable space for bonus podcast episodes, exclusive webinars, articles and an interactive community where you can share questions and get expert advice from amicable specialists. Start your free trial here.

Kate’s book amicable divorce includes a dedicated chapter on navigating finances during separation, including reaching financial agreements based on your real needs (not just 50/50 splits) and guidance on commonly overlooked assets like pensions. Find it on Amazon today.

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FAQs

Do I legally have to disclose all my finances during divorce?

Yes. Both people are required to provide what is called a ‘full and frank financial disclosure’ during a divorce. This includes bank accounts, pensions, property, investments, debts and any other assets. Deliberately hiding money or property can result in serious legal consequences.

What if I don’t understand our finances?

This is incredibly common – especially if one person managed the money during the relationship. The good news is that you can learn, and there's support available to help you get up to speed. You can ask your ex to walk you through accounts in a structured way, or if you need expert financial support you can find out more about Octopus Money and book a session here.

How do I start building financial confidence if I've never managed money before?

Start by gathering your own financial information – bank statements, pension details, bills. Then book a free consultation with an amicable specialist who can help you understand your position and next steps. Remember, you don't need to know everything immediately – it's a process.

Can I check if my ex has hidden assets?

If you suspect hidden assets, you can request full financial disclosure through the legal process. In some cases, forensic accountants can be brought in to investigate complex finances.