Divorce with adult children - The Divorce Podcast

If you’re separating with adult children and finding it more emotionally complicated than you expected, this episode offers calm, reassuring guidance to help you navigate it with care.

Navigating divorce with adult children

In this episode, Kate shares thoughtful, practical tips for separating when your children are grown. She explores why adult children are still deeply affected by family change and how the way you handle separation now can shape your family relationships for years to come.

In this episode, Kate covers:

• How to talk to your adult children about separation in a calm, respectful way
• What practical conversations to have early with your ex-partner – from holidays and celebrations to future grandchildren
• How kindness, clear boundaries and thoughtful planning now can support a healthier extended family long term

This episode is for parents going through separation with adult children who want to handle it with empathy, steadiness and care, while protecting the relationships that matter most.

How is divorce with adult children different from when they’re younger?

Many people assume that divorce is easier when children are grown up, but that’s not always the case. While you don’t need to work out detailed day-to-day arrangements in the same way you would with younger children, there can be added emotional complexity.

Adult children still benefit from their parents presenting a calm and united approach, and they may be navigating their own relationships, partners or even children at the same time. With adult children, much of the practical ‘infrastructure’ of parenting has fallen away, so maintaining rituals, connection and communication becomes more intentional.

Just because they’re older doesn’t mean they don’t need you, they simply need you in a different way.

Kate’s top tips on telling your adult children that you’re getting a divorce

• When navigating divorce with adult children, getting the first conversation right really matters.
• If you can, plan to tell them together and agree what you’re going to say beforehand.
• Choose the moment carefully, avoid family events and create space for them to react however they need to, including giving them the option to leave and take time out.
• Be mindful not to overshare details that could place them in the middle and resist the temptation to turn them into messengers, even if they’re capable and willing.
• Approach the situation with calm and kindness - this is a long-term family shift, not a single conversation to get through.

Key things you need to discuss to make sure you’re both present in your children’s lives post-divorce

• It’s important to talk openly about how you’ll handle future family moments, from birthdays and Christmas to weddings, graduations and time with grandchildren.
• Consider whether you’re able to be in the same room together and, if not, agree a plan for how you’ll share important events so one parent isn’t unintentionally sidelined.
• Discuss how communication with your adult children will work going forward and make sure neither of you withdraws simply because roles used to sit differently in the family.

Planning and honest conversation, with professional support if needed, can help ensure you both remain actively involved in your children’s lives, even if your family now looks different.

More divorce resources

Feeling ready to take practical steps forward?

Book a free 15-minute consultation with an amicable expert for guidance on the legal, financial, emotional or co-parenting aspects of separation. Or explore our Separating with Children Service – a 90-minute joint session with a Co-parenting Specialist tailored to your family’s needs.

Want ongoing support through separation?

Join amicable space for bonus podcast episodes, exclusive webinars, articles and an interactive community where you can share questions and get expert advice from amicable specialists. Start your free trial here.

Kate’s book amicable divorce includes dedicated chapters on co-parenting, with practical guidance on supporting your children's wellbeing, talking to them in age-appropriate ways and building a cooperative co-parenting relationship that reduces conflict. Find it on Amazon today.

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