Understanding the divorce process
In England and Wales, divorce is made up of two or three key parts, depending on your situation:
While the legal divorce itself is largely administrative, most conflict and cost arise around finances and children. Understanding this early helps you focus your energy where it matters most.
Six expert tips from amicable
Tip one: Don’t rush the process
People rarely enter separation in the same emotional place. The partner who initiates the divorce has usually had more time to process the decision. The other may be shocked, grieving or trying to catch up.
If you push too soon or move too fast, the process often slows down. Book a free 15-minute advice consultation with one of amicable’s specialists to learn more about the process, your options and how to keep things on track sensitively. Our advice will reduce conflict and help you move forward together as a team.
Tip two: Negotiate from a position of knowledge, not emotion
Divorce negotiations are much calmer when both people understand:
- How the legal process works
- What the law considers fair
- What a court would prioritise if asked to decide
Without this shared understanding, discussions can easily become personal or unrealistic. The key is to avoid emotional decision-making, especially when it comes to finances.
Key principles to understand early:
Divorce alone doesn’t end your financial relationship
Most people don’t realise that divorce doesn’t end your financial relationship, or automatically make your financial arrangements legally binding. To do this, you’ll need a financial order, called a ‘consent order’, if you agree.
Normally, a consent order will also have a ‘clean break’, severing financial ties and ending future claims. However, a clean break clause isn’t always achievable, for example, if there’s ongoing spousal maintenance.
You can read more about consent orders here.
50/50 is a starting point, not a rule
There is no set rule for ‘fairness’, and what works for one couple might not for another. The key things the court will need to see in your agreement, for it to be approvable, are: your needs and any children’s needs have been met, including around housing and retirement. . The court consider many other factors such as age, health, contributions made and earning potential. .
Children are the priority
If you’re separating and have dependent children, you don’t need to go to court to make arrangements for them. However, the court will want to ensure that any financial agreement you reach meets your children’s needs. If you’re looking for support deciding arrangements for your children, explore our Separating with Children Service. If you’ve already made arrangements, you can use our co-parenting app to keep on track with them.
Factors the court consider for your financial arrangements:
Housing
The law prioritises both people having suitable housing. This could be remedied by moving away from a 50/50 split or using maintenance payments to balance the agreement.
Earning potential and contributions made
The court looks at both current and future earning potential, as well as the contributions each person has made during the marriage.
Where one parent has reduced or paused their career to care for children, this is fully recognised. The law treats financial contributions and non-financial contributions, such as childcare and running the home, as equal.
After separation, the court will usually expect both people to work towards greater financial independence where this is realistic, taking into account childcare responsibilities and individual circumstances..
Age and chronic illness
Pensions become more important the nearer retirement age you are. Age and long-term ill health may affect your earning capacity and housing needs, so this will be taken into account.
Length of marriage
If it is a short marriage and both people’s needs can be met from simply taking back what they put in, then a departure from equality can be justified. However, this will not be the case if needs are required to be met - especially if children are involved.
Tip three: Make a plan - together
One major reason divorces become stressful or expensive is a lack of planning. If you’ve never divorced before (and most people haven’t), it’s difficult to know what the timeline looks like.
Without clear agreements or a plan in place:
- one partner may feel frustrated that the pace is too slow
- the other may feel pressured or left behind
Creating a shared roadmap keeps both of you aligned, accountable and allows everyone the time to do appropriate research, ask questions or seek help if they need to.
If you would like to take the first step and make a separation plan together, explore our Joint Advice Consultations, where you can make a separation plan that works for you both.
Tip four: Know what’s in the pot
If you want to separate amicably, it’s important to make sure that splitting your finances is as smooth as possible. Before you agree on a financial settlement, you should:
- List everything you own
- Agree on its value
- Disclose all debts and financial commitments
It’s a legal requirement to provide a full financial disclosure for the court. If you’re not sure where to start with your financial agreements,book in a free 15-minute advice call with us to speak to one of our divorce experts.
For couples who can’t agree, they will be required to complete a detailed and complex document known as Form E.
Many couples also forget pensions - even though they may be among the largest assets. Make sure you request your CETV (Cash Equivalent Transfer Value) early, as this can sometimes take weeks.
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Tip five: Don’t rush off to a solicitor
There are many ways to divorce amicably – and different processes suit different people and are unique to each situation. We believe most people can and should try to work together to separate in a better, kinder way.
Jumping straight to separate solicitors when you divorce can:
- increase costs immediately (even consultations are often billable)
- create a ‘me vs them’ mindset
- slow the process down
- reduce focus on the bigger picture
Not only is it expensive to hire a solicitor, but you can become unnecessarily combative and positional which can slow the process down. Learning how to communicate with your ex can go a long way and open up other opportunities for less combative pathways to your separation.
Solicitors are useful in situations of domestic abuse or where there are concerns around children. If you’re unable to agree, many people find themselves having to start a court process to deliver a decision, but then further legal actions may need to be taken to implement the decision. This can add to stress, cost and delays - for everyone. For more information on this, read six ways of getting a divorce without a lawyer.
Tip six: Divorce is about the future, not the past
One of the biggest shifts in achieving an amicable divorce is a mindset shift from working out things as a couple, to thinking about what your life will look like outside of the relationship.
You don’t need to agree on your past - most couples never do. What matters now is the type of co-parenting relationship you want going forward.
Think of your partner not as your ex, but as your co-parent. This mindset reduces conflict dramatically and sets the foundation for long-term stability for your children.
amicable offer support for separated parents and have developed a co-parenting app to help parent apart after separation and provide stability for children, even when you’re both in different households.
Summary
When you prepare, you feel happier and more confident about the way forward. This knowledge helps you manage fear, uncertainty, and emotions. As a result, you limit the damage to you, your partner and most importantly, your kids. Finally, it gives you back control at a time when you need it most.
We hope you find these divorce tips useful and help you to get through your divorce or separation amicably for more information please contact us.
FAQs: How to divorce in England and Wales
Can we get divorced without going to court?
Yes. Most couples never attend court in person. The entire legal process can be done online and your financial arrangements can be made legally binding through a Consent Order without a court hearing. If you are unable to agree, you may need to attend a court hearing for a judge to decide on an outcome for your divorce, particularly if your disagreement is centred around children.
How long does a divorce take?
A no-fault divorce takes a minimum of six to eight months because of built-in waiting periods. If finances or childcare arrangements take longer to agree, the process may extend.
Do we need a Consent Order?
A Consent Order legally finalises your financial settlement and creates a clean break - so neither of you are financially tied to each other. Without one, your financial claims against each other remain open, even years later.
What if we can’t agree on money or childcare?
You can use amicable’s negotiation services to help reach agreements, or book a joint session with a Co-parenting Expert. Court should be a last resort due to time, cost and stress.
Is it possible to divorce totally amicably?
Yes. With the right support, clear communication and realistic expectations, most couples can separate in a calm and constructive way, even after difficult moments. Not many couples come to us in total agreement and our negotiation services are 95% successful.
