amicable is a service for divorcing and separating couples. Our negotiation services are designed to help you collaborate with your partner to reach an amicable agreement on children and money issues. You both need to agree to using amicable to sign up.
The service only works if the two of you can work together. You must be on speaking terms, be able to maintain positive eye contact with each other, stay emotionally controlled (most of the time!) and be prepared to be flexible (It’s no good coming to the sessions with only one option – your preferred option).
Your Specialist will help facilitate agreements between you. Coaching sessions are all virtual. You can choose whether you want to be in the same room as your partner when you have your coaching sessions or whether you want to join the video call from separate locations.
Like any collaborative process the service only works when both people are willing to engage and behave in accordance with certain ground rules. For example:
We expect you to:
- Keep focused on the future, fairness and the interests of your children
- Only enter a dialogue when you are calm and not respond in anger
- Act and respond in good faith, integrity and with transparency to ensure a future relationship can be built on trust
- Be patient if your partner does not respond as quickly as you would like and ask questions to understand their perspective
- Be open, honest and exchange all the information required to make our agreements. Not to lie by omission
- Respond to your partner in a timely manner
- Be polite and respectful at all times – not to swear or name call
- Be mentally fit, comfortable to make decisions and free from mental health issues that may impair your judgment
- Use the process in a constructive way
Conflict is perfectly natural in times of emotional upheaval and amicable is an aspiration rather than a starting point for many couples. However, it is important to understand the difference between safe and unsafe conflict.
The following indicators are signs that it may not be safe to use our service and alternative practitioner such as counselling support services, a lawyer or specialist Domestic Abuse counsellor may be required.
- Are you afraid of your partner?
- Is (s)he charming one minute and abusive the next? Like Dr Jekyll / Mr Hyde?
- Do you feel isolated, cut off from family and friends?
- Does your partner control your money?
- Does your partner exhibit any of the following behaviour: jealous, possessive, insulting, verbally abusive, hurts you physically, constantly criticises you, blames you for everything, damages your things?
- Do you change your behaviour to avoid triggering an attack?
- Are you unsure of your own judgement?
- Does (s)he threaten to kidnap or get custody of the children?
- Does (s)he say you are useless and couldn’t cope without him/her?
- Does your partner drive fast because (s)he knows it scares you?
- Has (s)he threatened to hurt you or people close to you?
- Does your partner lock you out of the house during an argument?
If you think you may be experiencing abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0800 2000 247 or go online at www.refuge.org.uk or mensadviceline.org.uk to find out how to stay safe.