Should we get a prenup? An honest look at what they do and how amicable can help

Prenups have a reputation problem. They get associated with celebrity divorces, suspicion and pen-poised drama. Real life is much more boring, and much more useful.

If you've found yourself googling 'do I need a prenup', you're already doing the most important thing: thinking about it. Most couples don't. There's a quiet British reluctance around prenuptial agreements that means they often don't get talked about at all, and we think every couple getting married would benefit from at least having the conversation.

This blog is a calm, jargon-free walk through what a prenup actually is, what it can do for you, and how amicable can help you put one together.

What a prenup actually is

A prenuptial agreement (or prenup, or premarital agreement) is a document that two people sign before they get married. It sets out what they've agreed should happen with their finances if they ever divorced. That's it.

It can cover what each of you brings into the marriage, how you'd handle assets you build up together, what happens to any inheritance, what happens to a business and so on. It can be simple or detailed. It's tailored to the two of you.

A postnuptial agreement is the same kind of document but signed after the wedding. The principles are the same.

The myths

A few things prenups are not.

• They're not only for the very wealthy. Plenty of people with modest assets benefit from one. So do people with businesses, family money or children from a previous relationship.
• They don't predict divorce. They're a planning document, not a forecast.
• They're not unromantic. Couples who go through the process often say it was the most clarifying conversation they'd ever had together.
• They're not about one person 'winning'. A good prenup is an agreement both people feel comfortable with, made openly, with both of you informed.

When a prenup is particularly useful

Every couple getting married can benefit from a prenup. It gives both of you clarity about how your finances will work, sets out what each of you wants in writing, and creates shared understanding before you start out as a married couple.

It can be particularly useful when:

• One or both of you has significant assets going into the marriage (a property, savings, investments)
• One or both of you owns a business
• One or both of you has children from a previous relationship and wants to protect what's intended for them
• One or both of you has expected inheritance, especially from a family business or estate
• There's a meaningful gap in income, savings or earning potential between you
• It's a second (or third) marriage and you've each been through divorce before
• One of you is moving to England and Wales from a country where prenups are standard

Even if none of those apply directly, the conversation a prenup prompts is one of the most useful you can have together before the wedding.

How prenups work in England and Wales

Prenups carry real weight when they've been put together properly. Since a Supreme Court case in 2010 (the Radmacher case), courts have looked at three things in particular when deciding how much weight to give a prenup:

• Autonomy. Both people entered the agreement freely, without pressure
• Understanding. Both people knew what they were agreeing to
• Fairness. The terms are fair to both, particularly where children are involved

The court always keeps the final say on what's fair if a marriage ends. But a prenup that meets those three principles will heavily influence what 'fair' looks like. One signed under pressure or with unfair terms is likely to be questioned.

How to start the conversation

This is often the hardest bit. The phrase 'I think we should get a prenup' carries a lot of weight, even when it's said with the best intentions.

A gentler way in:

• Talk about the practical questions first ('have you ever thought about what we'd do if your business took off?', 'what do your parents want to happen with their estate?')
• Frame the prenup as one option, not a fait accompli
• Take the romance out of the room. Have it as a calm conversation, not a wedding-stress conversation
• Lean on the fact that having to think about it together is part of the point

If your partner reacts badly, it's usually because the conversation feels sudden, not because the idea is bad. Slowing down and coming back to it tends to help.

Prenups and wills

A prenup is a separate document from a will. If you have specific things you want to leave to specific people, you need a will too. The two do different jobs.

Where to start

If you're thinking about a prenup, the most useful thing you can do first is talk about it together. Get the idea on the table, see how each of you feels, and decide whether it's right for you both. From there, the practical steps (disclosure, drafting, signing) feel much simpler to work through.

A prenup, done well, is one of the calmest and most loving things a couple can do. It's about clarity, fairness and starting your marriage with everything out in the open.